Rooming With Kakarott
by Yuffie-Girl
Summary: When a blizzard unexpectedly hits the town of Metro-East Central, Vegeta finds himself trapped in a hotel room with none other than Goku. The stupid comments, the annoying habits, the dirty underwear....will he come out sane? Not slash! *COMPLETE*
1. Kakarott, You Fool!

Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own DBZ (although I wouldn't mind owning Vegeta). Mmmmmm....Vegeta.... *drools like Homer Simpson*

Category: Humor (I think...it all depends on the reader, I guess). 

Rating: PG-13 for the very occasional swear + sexual references (anything with Master Roshi in it DOES tend to do that, after all...)

Author's Note: This came from a flash of inspiration just before I was going to sleep one night. Mmmm, sleep deprivation + homework + strange fic idea... That equals...um...I don't know. Just read this for yourself. As far as I know this has never been done before (though I can't say for sure, since I can honestly say I haven't read a lot of DBZ humor fics).

All hell had been unleashed when a gigantic, unprecedented blizzard suddenly hit the unsuspecting tourist-oriented city of Metro East-Central. Everything, all amenities, which were normally within a finger's reach of the laid-back, easy-going citizens of the locale, all at once vanished. Power lines were mercilessly blown down, groceries and other necessities quickly flew off the shelves, and the city's transportation system had long since been stopped with a grinding, screeching halt. Tourists and out-of-towners, with no other place to go, congregated anxiously at every hotel and motel in the entire area, causing crowding, squalor, and pretty much everything that you can think of that is bad. 

And it was out of one of these crowded hotels (a rather chintzy place called El Loco Rojo) that a one Bulma Briefs was currently having an angry hustle with a one perverted man known as Master Roshi. It seemed he had one of those of what he liked to call "coloring books" again...

"GIVE...THAT...HERE..._NOW!_" Bulma screeched like a banshee, trying to wrest the degrading smut out of the old man's surprisingly tight grasp. 

"No! Never!"

"YES...NOW! I tell you, if you go waving that stuff around Goten and Trunks, I swear I'll-"

"You'll WHAT?!" A wide, suggestive grin began to spread on Roshi's crusty old face.

"ARRRGHHHH!! YOU DIRTY OLD MAN! YOU'D BETTER BE GLAD VEGETA ISN'T HERE, OR OTHERWISE---" Bulma trailed off when she realized that Roshi wasn't even listening, as the book had flopped open during their struggle and he was -well- admiring it. Seeing her chance, she snatched it as fast as lightning and unceremoniously opened the second-story window and chucked it out into the winter wonderland below.

"HA! There!" Bulma grinned triumphantly at a crestfallen Roshi, who scowled at her and shuffled off, grumbling about "people unable to let an old man have some fun." Perverted old man, anyway...

At a loss for finding something to do, Bulma then turned back towards the room's only window, staring out at the vindictive white blur that, as time went on, only seemed to gain momentum. 

Three days. An excruciating, hellish three days it had been so far, and Kami only knew how long it was going to last yet. Goten and Trunks' hourly madcap escapades, Chichi's constant complaining and fretting, Master Roshi's -ahem- fetishes...she didn't know how much longer she could survive it all. 

She would never EVER trust her mother with a travel agent ever again. First it had been the airline losing half of her twenty suitcases, and then the overall cheesiness of the area, and now THIS. It just wasn't fair! 

She lightly touched the frosted windowpane with a well-manicured fingertip. Three days. It had been three horrible days since she had ever even set FOOT outside. The blizzard had come so unexpectedly that it was a damn good thing that they had been as lucky as they were and were able to rent this tiny two-room suite in this horrendously overpriced hotel. And then there was the whole debacle with her husband and Goku...

Oh Kami, she didn't even want to THINK about THAT. 

Her contemplations were suddenly interrupted when all at once she became aware of a rather subdued Chichi approaching her. The woman had been worrying herself sick for about two days straight now, and had spent most of her days and sleepless nights sitting in a corner and looking as if she was about to hyperventilate at any second. And perhaps for good reason...

"Oh, Bulma, I just can't stop thinking about it!" she exclaimed fretfully, worriedly staring out the window. "I try to stop, but when I think of my poor Goku out there all alone, I just-"

Bulma rolled her eyes. This was, perhaps, the twelfth time that they had had this very same conversation. "Listen, Chichi," she began patiently, slowly putting one hand on the other woman's shoulder, "I'm sure they've just holed up somewhere until the blizzard stops. I mean, not even a Super Saiyan could possibly fly in this wea-"

"But it's my fault, Bulma! MY FAULT! If I hadn't ordered Goku to go back to the car for little Gohan's homework, I- I-"

"Listen, if anybody's, it's just as much my fault as yours! _I _was the one who ordered Vegeta to go back and get my handbags-"

"But-but-"

"BUT JUST LISTEN TO ME ALREADY!" Bulma suddenly exploded, the spit literally flying out of her mouth. Shaking slightly, she allowed herself to calm down a little bit before continuing on, "Listen, do you honestly think that a man who managed to cut Frieza in half is actually gonna DIE in a BLIZZARD?! I mean, come on-"

"But I can't help worrying! I just can't, Bulma! And Gohan's already getting way behind in his schoolwork-"

"Just put it out of your mind, Chichi! They're fine, they WILL be fine, and we unfortunately WILL be seeing them once the blizzard ends!"

Yep, every word of this was true. Goku and Vegeta, forced by their wives to go retrieve various items from the car they had rented, had vanished in the blizzard en route to it. There had just been no time to wait for them to come back once things had started to get nasty. And it was a damn good thing they weren't around right now either, Bulma had concluded. With Goku's blatant foolishness and Vegeta's love for destroying annoying, useless, and talkative things, one would have probably destroyed the other by now. But try telling that to Chichi...

The person in question wailed, "But we don't KNOW anything until we see them again! I mean, where's Goku right now? Is he safe? Does he have enough to eat? Did he change his underwea-"

"Enough is ENOUGH, Chichi!" Bulma broke in, trying to wrest the disturbing mental image out of her brain. "As I said before, I'm sure he's FINE! And I'm sure Vegeta's fine, too! ...Listen, I don't even know WHY you want them back! Do you _really _want a pain-in-the-ass Saiyan prince strutting around in here and fussing and bitching and complaining and whining his tight little hiney off?! Do you? DO YOU?!" As much as she loved Vegeta, being stuck in a little tiny hotel room with him with no escape was just a little more than she could bear at the moment (alone with him, yes, but with nine other people, no). 

"Um, no, but-"

"Then enjoy this!" Bulma snapped, her eyes glaring daggers at everyone and everything around her. 

At seeing Chichi's face fall and teeter even closer to flat out crying, she suddenly rued her words and said more softly, "I'm really sorry, it's just that I'm gonna go crazy any moment now. This whole business is just driving me nuts; with nowhere to go and being stuck in here with eight people, it's just- it's just- terrible."

Chichi sighed. "I know, I know..." She banged her fist on the windowsill in frustration. "It's just that I feel so HELPLESS! I can't do a thing here..."

"I know we can't. But all we CAN do is wait for this to end, right? And trust me, they're fine. I'm sure they're off having a chili dog or something somewhere and laughing at the blizzard..." She trailed off, not caring to add that this was probably the LAST thing that they were doing, as Vegeta hated chili dogs and also probably at this point wanted to kick the crap out of Goku. But no need to worry Chichi any further...

"Well, I suppose we should enjoy this quiet while it lasts," Bulma voiced after a moment's silence, "With everyone but us and Master Roshi down at the buffet" -(everyone else was downstairs depleting the food supply) " we'll actually be able to get some peace for awhile." Chichi nodded, and they both sat down on a bed and switched on the TV to catch a quick soap.

****

__

~Opposite end of town, exactly 48 hours earlier~

"KAKAROTT! I AM GETTING TIRED OF YOUR FOOLISHNESS!" Vegeta stamped his foot in frustration, causing the countless number of handbags encircling his neck to swing furiously in the wind. 

Goku smiled in reply, a smile that only the truly moronic could pull off. "Oh, Vegeta, will you just cut it out already?! I'm sure they'll be around in a minute. I mean, d'ya think they'd just leave us here?" Running a hand through his spiky, coal-black hair, he giggled like a schoolgirl at the very thought. 

"_Yes, _Kakkarott, I'm sure they DID leave," Vegeta shot back, albeit a little muffled, as the seemingly permanent clenching of his teeth was affecting his speech pattern. "It's a freaking BLIZZARD, Kakkarott! A BLIZZARD!"

"Oh, you're just being silly, Vegeta!" Goku laughed. "Our families would NEVER abandon us! I know Chichi better than that! If she says that we should come back HERE to meet them, then she's not lying! Have a little faith!"

Vegeta just growled and attempted to shield himself from the increasingly biting snowflakes by moving further under the canopy that proudly read as "Pauli's Perfect Pizza Place". After a short, tension-filled pause he started up again, "I am growing TIRED of this idiocy! Do you honestly think they will come back for us after a full DAY of waiting here?! Use your brain, Kakarott, whatever little of it is left!"

Goku had not heard this last comment, as currently he was outside the shadow of the canopy, apparently lying down and making a snow angel right in the middle of the vaguely outlined street, allowing the large snowflakes to melt at the tip of his tongue. "Come on, Vegeta! Try this! It's fun!"

Vegeta snorted in disdain. The way this full-grown man was making a complete idiot out of himself and inviting HIM, the Prince of All the Saiyans, to do the very same, was just DISGUSTING. Leaning against the icy-cold brick wall, he muttered quietly to himself, "I cannot BELIEVE for one minute that you are Bardock's son! What with YOUR stupidity, it's almost as if a walrus mated with a goat and the offspring came out sideways and with sublevel intellige---ARGH!"

That last scream had been caused by a large snowball that had suddenly pelted his face. With a raging fury that could only be matched by Bulma during pregnancy, he slowly wiped the fine powdery substance from his face (of which veins were starting to bulge out and was starting to grow mottled red and purple) and proceeded to stare icily at Goku, who was just sitting there in the snow and smiling moronically as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. 

"Ahahahahaha! Guess I got you THERE, Vegeta! Ahahahahaha!"

Vegeta had now officially had enough. Hand outstretched as he readied for an especially nasty ki ball, he let out an unearthly loud yell that seemed to shake the very foundations of the earth itself. "**_KAAAAKAROOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!"_**

Goku cocked his head innocently to one side. "Hey, Vegeta, why are you so ang-" He never got to finish his sentence.

KA-BOOOOOMMMMMM!!!! The ball of energy hit him with the momentum of a large double-decker bus, causing blackened soot to rain down over them along with the snow and a large crater (of which Goku was sitting right in the middle of) to form right where part of the street once was. This was not enough to hurt Goku, of course, who merely sat there and scratched his head, bewildered at Vegeta's PMS-like symptoms. 

"VEGETA!!" he remonstrated after a moment's worth of hard-pressed thinking. "If you didn't like snowballs you could have TOLD me so instead of hitting me with that!" 

Vegeta's reply was barely understandable (as he was shaking so hard that he could barely put two words together), but perhaps we can take a guess at what his words had been: "WE... ....LEAVE... ...._NOW!!!"_

Goku apparently understood what he said, since his reply was: "All right, all RIGHT! But don't say I didn't warn you when nobody's able to find us!" He wagged a scolding finger at his companion.

***

With Goku picking up his son's large pile of textbooks and Vegeta securing all of the handbags' drawstrings tightly around his neck, they both turned Super Saiyan and trudged away into the unknowns and off towards a better and brighter tomorrow (or maybe perhaps for a decent motel). The harsh winds were bitingly cold and the blinding snow even perturbed Saiyan vision the tiniest bit, but nothing stopped the two brave warriors, who strode on without hesitation. Not forgetting to look carefully at each sign on the entire street, both searched endlessly and without rest for a place that would serve their purpose. 

A good two hours passed, but...finally...

"Vegeta! LOOK!" Goku smiled happily as he pointed at a pink, flashing, neon sign that apparently read as simply: "INN". 

Vegeta scowled. "Then what are you waiting for, moron?! Let's GO!" He almost ran across the street towards the inn, feeling at least halfway happy (which was rare for him) at the fact that tonight he would at least be sheltered from the elements and in just a few hours he would be fast asleep in a warm, dry bed. Goku quickly followed, feeling slight regret that he had never been able to finish that snow angel, but also very happy at no longer being pelted with large, wet snowflakes.

It all seemed almost too good to be true.

And it was...

If Goku and Vegeta had perhaps USED that Saiyan eyesight of theirs and had taken a few more seconds to discern that sign, then they would have noticed that a large sheet of ice had covered the other half of the motel's sign. Under normal circumstances it then would have read as "THE LOVEBIRD INN."

And thus did the hell begin.

Author's Note: Soooooo...should I continue?! Did any of you out there like this? I have this partly planned out but I'm open to any suggestions. Reviews are much appreciated! =D 


	2. Room 313: The Honeymoon Suite

Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own DBZ, or anything else you might recognize. I'm extremely sorry if you were mistaken!

Author's Note: Yes, the crap is back! I have officially decided to continue this fic. Thank you to those who reviewed me; the feedback really helped and I'm only happy to give you another chapter. 

And here we go again:

"Hey, YOU!" Vegeta barked at the two youths behind the desk the moment they walked in. "We need a room!"

"Uh, s-sure," the pimply-faced redhead answered him hesitantly as the two Saiyans walked closer and closer. "J-just let me t-take a look here in m-my book..." He hastily thumbed through the appointment book, apparently searching hard for a vacancy. 

Vegeta, impatient at the kid's ineptness, rolled his eyes, leaning his elbows on the front desk and drumming his fingers to an infuriating beat. The poor youth just gulped and paged through faster, the pimples and blackheads just seeming to pop all the more out of his beet red face. He even got so flustered that the pinky-length pencil he had been tapping suddenly flew out of his hand and landed on the linoleum floor with a quiet yet very loud PING. 

Redhead gulped.

Vegeta stared at him angrily.

Redhead gulped.

Vegeta scowled.

Redhead gulped.

Vegeta flexed his gloved fingers efficiently, preparing for one nasty Ki ball.

Redhead gulped.

And Goku smiled and picked the pencil up, which was currently lying right behind Vegeta.

"Here you go," he said, handing it over with a bright, sunny grin. "Now do you have room for us?"

The kid with brown dreadlocks turned to the right page in the appointment book and surveyed it carefully. "Uh...no. No, I'm afraid not...s-sir-" By that time he had looked up at Vegeta and, seeing the expression of unconditional hatred etched upon his face, had crouched behind the desk chair, shaking like a rabbit. 

There was a short moment of silence, where all time seemingly stood still and where not even the roaches infesting the motel scuttled. A short moment of silence, and then...

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU MORONS, NOT HAVING A FUCKING ROOM?!" Vegeta roared, his fingernails creating deep grooves within the cold metal desk. 

"J-just what he said, sir," the redhead proffered, his pimples now standing out like beacons against his ghastly pale face. "We- we don't have none availa-"

"SHUT UP!" Vegeta swept away the bowl holding the mints with one shaking hand, the handbags around his neck flying every which way. "ME AND MY COMPANION WANT A ROOM _RIGHT NOW!! RIGHT NOW!! _IF WE DON'T GET ONE WE WILL FREAKING BLOW THIS ROOM TO TINY LITTLE BITS!! AND _YOU _WITH IT!"

"Vegeta," Goku started apprehensively, "I don't think you-"

"AND YOU SHUT UP TOO, KAKAROTT!" Vegeta continued to roar. "REMEMBER HARD AND LONG WHAT THE PRINCE OF ALL THE SAIYANS DID TO YOU IN THE DESERT!"

Goku's face started to harden. "Now listen here, Vegeta, YOU just remember who has the higher power level! I'd last longer than you in any-"

"Um, sirs?" Redhead asked haltingly. They both turned to look at him. "Um, it looks like there IS one room available. If you guys don't mind the honeymoon suite at all, then-"

Goku broke out into a goofy grin. "Perfect!" he exclaimed. "That should be just perfect for us!"

Vegeta scowled. "I don't care WHAT it is, as long as it's a goddamn room! Now TAKE US THERE!" he growled with one last toss of spit. 

Dreadlocks nervously fumbled with his set of keys and pointed to the stair landing. "R-right this way, s-sirs." He shakily stumbled off with Vegeta and Goku in his wake, giving one last look behind at Redhead, who gave him a sympathetic glance. 

***

"Here you are," Dreadlocks said proudly, opening the door to the room with an overdone flourish, "the Honeymoon Suite!"

Vegeta's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "You...have...got...to be...kidding...me..."

Dreadlocks suddenly realized that if he was still around by the time Vegeta had gotten over his initial shock, he's probably be incinerated and reduced to a tiny, smoldering speck of carbon. "Oh, yes it is," he said in a rush, turning an odd green color. "Welli'vegottogonowdosomepaperworkgoodluckhavefungoodbye." He almost ran back down the stairs.

Goku and Vegeta slowly entered the room, Goku smiling happily to himself and Vegeta's palms very dry and his mouth feeling as if it had been stuffed with cotton.

It was a very small room; in fact, way to small to even be CONSIDERED a honeymoon suite. Stains and marks adorned the walls and carpet, giving one the impression that the actual room had not been cleaned in years. A small door led to what seemed to be a tiny bathroom, with the room itself being quite sparsely furnished with the exception of---

ONE VERY BIG BED.

***

__

~30 minutes later, in the break room~

"Oh, come off it, Freddie," the laundry boy guffawed, one eye occupied on the football game that was on, "those guys couldn't be gay."

"But they were!" Freddie (aka Redhead) insisted vigorously. "They HAD to be!"

"Yeah, why did they want a room so badly, for one thing?" Dreadlocks, who had just entered the room, pointed out. "The little one looked like if we wasn't gonna give them a room, he'd blow the entire place up. They were THAT eager." 

Freddie threw back his head and laughed. "BLOW this room to tiny little bits? Even their WORD choice seems to point to it." 

"OK, OK, whatever," the laundry boy relinquished, turning to the others. "So what did these guys look like if you're so convinced they're gay? I mean, come on, they probably just came here to get outta the storm." 

"One of 'em was wearing spandex. Really REVEALING spandex too, probably to show off his huge-"

Laundry Boy smirked. "And how do YOU know?"

"Well, you couldn't take your eyes off it! It was THAT big. I wish _I _had-"

"Would you just SHUT UP and explain to me how you know that they're gay already?!" Laundry Boy exclaimed, chagrined. "I don't wanna know about THAT!"

"Well then, as I said, their word choice-"

"Oh, yeah! Ahahahahaha!" Dreadlocks chortled. "REMEMBER HARD AND LONG WHAT THE PRINCE OF THE SAIYANS DID TO YOU IN THE DESERT! Ahahahaha! If THAT isn't innuendo, I don't know WHAT is. And then when that other one picked up the pencil!" 

"Yeah, and what was is it that tall, stupid one said? Something about power levels?! Something about that he'd last longer-"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!" All three suddenly burst into laugher.

"OK, OK, I guess you're right," Laundry Boy giggled, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Looks like you guys had an interesting day at the desk. Wish _I _had been upstairs, instead of sitting down here watching soaps." 

Redhead's eyes suddenly widened. "HEY, I just remembered something. Doesn't the Honeymoon Suite only have ONE BED?!"

A smile crept onto Dreadlocks's face. "Oh, yes it does...And a hot tub, too."

"Hey, why don't we all go spy on 'em tonight sometime? I mean, that's GOTTA be interesting," Laundry Boy stated. "I mean, we got nothing to do anyway. We're all stuck here for awhile."

"Yeah, but we'd better do it quietly, or otherwise Shorty'll blast us into pieces!"

"We'll be careful, then, right? I mean, come on, this is a once in a lifetime chance!"

They all nodded in agreement, thus making it even tougher for a certain pair of Saiyans...

***

__

"And it looks like there was another record day of snow for the city of Metro East-Central, folks. SEVEN inches of snow fell in just eight hours, isn't that right, Dolly?"

"Oh, yes it is, Rob! And today we also-"

Vegeta scowled angrily at the happy-looking weathergirl on KSTV 300 as he completed his ten-thousandth sit-up. Nothing else to do but train, anyway, he had concluded when they had entered the room two hours ago. Goku was sitting on the bed nearby, completely engrossed in the local news that he was watching on the little TV on the nightstand.

Vegeta stared at him in disgust. _(What a baka. Not one speck of Saiyan pride.)_

He stopped for a moment, his chest heaving as his eyes locked on the newsman's. Damn this luck of his; it looked as if they would be stuck here for ages! 

"We'll keep you tuned on any developments concerning the weather tonight, people. Until then, adios!"

"And adios to you too, Rob!" "Dolly" giggled. _"Have one chilling night! Ha-ha!"_

"Ahahahahahahahhahahahaha!" 

Vegeta glared at Goku, who had actually LAUGHED at the cheesy joke. Goku just smiled and waved, patting the bed beside him. "Come on, Vegeta. Let's watch TV together!"

"I'd rather die, Kakarott," Vegeta grumbled, giving him a death glare. "Now turn around and SHUT UP!!"

"OK then, whatever, Vegeta," Goku shrugged. 

__

(What an unfriendly guy.) Goku cocked his head to one side, in deep thought (or deep thought as far as HE went, at any rate). _(I wonder if it was something I did earlier. Ahhh, never mind. I'll just be even nicer to him from now on!)_

Goku continued to watch TV and Vegeta continued to do his sit-ups. Vegeta, however, was starting to get tired of things at an alarming rate. This place was just not his good old Gravity Room; not only that, but he was stuck here with that moron Kakarott as well. Things could NOT get much worse. 

"Ahahahahahahaha!"

Shit. They just HAD. 

"I already told you: shut UP, Kakarott!" Vegeta growled, flipping his companion off angrily. "Can't you just keep your baka mouth in check for ONE minute while I'm trying to train?!"

Goku, again, just smiled and waved (like as not, he probably didn't even understand what that little birdie was saying). "Gee, I'm sorry, but it was just funny. You see, on that commercial there was this guy who had diarrhea, and-"

"SHUT UP!" Vegeta roared, his spittle flying out in all directions. "I DON'T CARE! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!"

"Well, all right, I just thought-"

Vegeta's feral growl cut his sentence short.

***

The steam from the large, bawdy, heart-shaped hot tub rose around Vegeta in tendrils, partially screening him from view. He had finally retreated here so as to be totally alone; once he had heard the three words of death coming from the TV (WHEEL...OF...FORTUNE!!!), he knew that he had to do SOMETHING so that he wouldn't have to hear Kakarott's annoying laugh. And Wheel of Fortune was chock full of cheesy jokes. 

He was at least grateful that the bathroom was a little bigger than he had previously thought, and that the tub was large enough for him to stretch out, relax, and let the waves of scalding water wash over him gently. There was even a bubble machine installed in the tub, just like at home; he enjoyed watching the rainbow-colored bubbles float lazily around the half-lit room with almost-closed eyes.

He still couldn't figure out what was with this strange hotel, though, however.   
Whenever Bulma had dragged him somewhere for either a "romantic getaway" or a "family vacation", the hotels they had stayed at were nowhere near similar as the one he was staying in now. Why was the tub heart-shaped? Why were there half-burnt candles sitting on top of it? Why was there a fake plastic wedding cake sitting on top of the nightstand? And what was with that damn vibrating bed? (Kakarott had found out about THAT one when he was, as usual, being a baka, and had been bouncing around on top of it.) He shook his head in confusion, praying to the Lord that the blizzard would end soon so that he could get the hell home. Damn that harpy woman; if he wouldn't have caved in to her demands and hadn't went to get her handbags, NONE of this would have happened! 

A noise from outside the bathroom suddenly and rudely made itself known, sounding like the call of some unknown, indigenous bird that had been hunted to extinction because of its annoying, ululating sound. 

"Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!"

Vegeta's eyes began to twitch. Why wouldn't that fool just SHUT UP?! 

"HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

Vegeta growled angrily. He was just about to hop out of the tub, stark naked and all, and blast that damn moron to Kingdom Come, but before he could stand up, the door opened with a sickening creak.

Yep, it was Kakarott, with that big goony grin on his simple face.

"Guess what, Vegeta!" he exclaimed eagerly. "Guess what!"

"WHAT?" Vegeta roared, splashing water everywhere.

"Well," said Goku, pausing a moment to think while he scratched his head, "there was this really funny joke on Wheel of Fortune! Somebody asked for a bowel instead of a vowel, and everybody laughed really hard-"

"GET OUT! I DON'T CARE FOR YOUR FOOL JOKES! I HAVE TOLD YOU SO COUNTLESS TIMES! NOW GET OUT!"

Goku started to back away. "OK, OK, I just-"

"NOW!"

The door slammed with surprising speed and precision.

Vegeta laughed darkly and allowed himself to slide deeper within the water, his long hair streaming out from behind his head. What an idiot. He had always thought so. Once he had trained just a little more, it would not be hard to ambush Kakarott from behind and to kill him. And then his revenge would be complete...

He had just started to contemplate on other matters (like, for example, wondering how the hell Kakarott had figured out how to have children), when another disturbance suddenly and rudely made itself known.

Yes, you guessed it: it was Kakarott. Again.

And he was wearing just a towel.

Before Vegeta could protest, Goku had thrown off the towel and had hopped in right across from him, causing water to splash everywhere. 

"Hi, Vegeta!" he exclaimed. "I just thought you might enjoy some company and my armpits were starting to smell, so I decide I might as well join you!" He looked around the room. "Really nice place this is, isn't it?"

Vegeta replied darkly under his breath, "It was before you showed up."

"Oh, ahahaha!" Goku smacked his hand in the water, laughing hard. "You're always the comedian, aren't you, Vegeta? Aahahha!"

Vegeta didn't even bother to state that he hadn't been joking. Anything said that was intelligent was lost upon Kakarott. 

"Well anyway, looks like I'd better get down to business! After all, it's been two weeks since I took a bath! Oh, and maybe I should shave in here, too!"

He gritted his teeth so as to ignore the urge to blow the entire hotel, including himself, to tiny bits. And he was NOT leaving just because Kakarott was here. That would be an insult to his Saiyan pride. 

***

__

~Forty-five minutes later~

"Well, well, well, look what we have here," Bulma pouted at Vegeta, wearing only a sheer white negligee that teased at his eyeballs. "It looks like Princey's in the bathtub and he wants to play, am I right?" She swayed her hips suggestively, causing Vegeta to growl in a primal manner. 

She walked slowly towards the tub, stepping up onto it and daintily putting one bare foot within the deliciously hot water. "Ooo, it's not too hot, it's not too cold, but it's just right! I think I'll have a good time in here, don't you?"

"Hurry up," Vegeta replied in a husky voice.

Bulma pouted again, putting her hands on her hips and splashing at him lightly with her foot. "Well, if you want me that bad, then you'll have to come and get me, won't you, monkey boy?"

He did just that by grabbing her foot, and causing her to land on top of him with a splash.

A rather loud splash, though.

An unusually loud splash.

Splashes couldn't be that loud, could they?

Well, there was one splash that could, and that could only be-

Vegeta's eyes snapped open, the first thing registering in his brain that he was getting hit by a multitude of lukewarm water. He sputtered angrily as he attempted to shield his face from the aggressive barrage, wondering how he could have fallen asleep and what the hell was now going on.

But of course he knew what was going on. The explanation to all of this was summed up in just one word: Kakarott.

"Ha! I gotcha THERE, Vegeta!" Goku laughed playfully, still splashing water at the enraged Saiyan Prince. "You shouldn't fall asleep when you know that there's someone who's gonna play tricks on you!"

"That was NOT a trick, Kakarott!" Vegeta shot back. "THAT was an insult to the throne of Vegeta-sai!"

Goku laughed again. "Oh, whatever. Admit it, you thought it was funny!"

"About as funny as ME kicking your ASS!" With that Vegeta flexed his fingers and started up with another Ki ball. 

"Hey, hey, hey," Goku relented, waving his arms every which way. "I didn't mean it, you know! Come on, put your hand down, Vegeta. It was just a joke! Don't you know what a joke is?"

"GRRRRRRRR!!"

"Come on, calm down before you get us all killed! THEN where will we go for the night?"

"GRRRRRRR!!!! One more second, Kakarott, and you'll be vaporized!"

"Oh, for the love of Pete, Vegeta, PUT YOUR HAND DOWN! You're not strong enough to vaporize me anyway! All you'll do is just vaporize the hotel! And THEN we'll be sleeping on a smoldering pile of ash!"

Vegeta growled, but ended up not letting his temper get the best of him and put his hand down. The baka DID have a small point; he was not going to let him see how strong he was before unraveling his master plan, which was, as stated before, to get as strong as he could and then defeat him. 

Goku giggled. "See, now was that so hard?!"

Vegeta glared at him. "Don't push me, Kakarott!"

"Oh, Kakarott this, and Kakarott that!" Goku waved Vegeta's words off like a trash bag in the wind. "Why don't you just call me Goku? All of my friends call me by my earth name, and not my Saiyan name!"

"I am no friend of yours, Kakarott!"

"Oh, poo! I guess you'll never learn, will you?"

Vegeta allowed himself to close his eyes and tried to ignore his moronic companion, who just did not seem to want to go away. He WAS going to outlast him in this tub, come hell or high water! If he left now, then he would be admitting defeat. 

Eventually, though, the thoughts of revenge faded and his mind drifted over to his family. He actually found himself MISSING his wife and son, more than he would probably ever admit. Oh, if only Bulma had been the one to be lost with him in the blizzard! If only THEY had made their way to this strange hotel and got this room! If only SHE was sitting across from him in this hot tub right now, if only---

Vegeta's eyes snapped open again. He couldn't help but let out a small, disgusted sigh. Sitting across from him, in place of Bulma, was a goofy-looking man, who was scratching himself hard with a loofah and periodically sniffing and nibbling on the soap that was foaming in his other hand. 

So much for dreams coming true.

Unfortunately, though, Goku saw his awakening. "Oh, so now you're done with your nap, Vegeta! I thought you'd NEVER wake up! I'm almost done scrubbing myself, see?"

Silence.

Goku faltered for a moment, but then offered him the bite-marked soap. "Here, wanna scrub yourself off, too?"

"Get that away from me!"

Goku appeared to think hard at Vegeta's angry comment, but any idea of him thinking at all was soon abated when a patch of bubbles suddenly floated up from the bottom of the tub. 

And they weren't from the bubble machine.

This was the last straw for Vegeta. "GODDAMMIT!" he roared. "I CAN'T TAKE THIS PUNISHMENT ANYMORE! I'M LEAVING!" 

"Vegeta, it was just-"

But the Saiyan Prince already had a towel around his waist and was leaving. "SHUT UP! I'M GOING TO BED! AND IF YOU EVEN _THINK _ABOUT DISTURBING ME WHILE I'M TRYING TO SLEEP, THEN YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THING COMING!" He stomped off into the bedroom.

Goku just shrugged and reached for the loofah again.

Vegeta literally fell onto the large bed, snapping off the light and putting the covers over his head. He was angered beyond words. And there wasn't a damn thing he could do to fix the situation. 

For the first time in his life, he almost cried. 

Author's Note: The heart-shaped hot tub was from Dumb and Dumber, if you didn't know! :D I love that movie! 

Anyway, if anyone was wondering about what's happening to Bulma and Chichi and the others over on the other side of town, then next chapter your questions will be answered! Unless everyone thinks I should stick to just the Goku/Vegeta POV, then I believe I will split the POV's of Chapter 3 between Bulma and Goku/Vegeta. Feel free to tell me if you think otherwise. 

Anyway...expect the next chapter sometime soon; it's still Christmas vacation for me, y'know. And by all means, please review! I love reviews! Reviews are cool! :D


	3. Strange Bedfellows

Author's Note: Geez, it's been awhile, hasn't it? Sorry about that, this really took a long time to write, considering when I even had the time.

Oh, um, and I decided NOT to use the plotline with Bulma and the others in this chapter, since not too long ago I found a LARGE GAPING PLOTHOLE concerning that. When I wrote about Bulma and the others in the first chapter they were already on their third day, as opposed to Vegeta and Goku's POV, where it's still only their first night. I really don't want to confuse anyone further by writing about the other plotline in an earlier point in time, so I'm just sticking with Goku and Veggie for right now. You'll be seeing the others later, though! I'm still using them; they're vital to the plot! :P

Well anyway, here's chapter three:

__

~10:18 p.m.~

"Please, Vegeta, I'm begging you!"

"NO, Kakarott!"

"But please! It's cold down here, and I can't feel my-"

"I said NO, Kakarott!"

"PLEASE?!"

"**_NO, KAKAROTT!"_**

Vegeta angrily rolled over onto one side, trying to block out the annoying sound that was Goku's voice. Stupid, STUPID baka, anyway! What right did he have to request to share a bed with the Prince of the Saiyans?

"Vegeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, PLEASE?! I'm freezing down here-"

"SHUT UP!" 

"But you don't understand, I don't even have a blanket-"

"DEAL WITH IT!" Vegeta snarled into the pillow. "Do you realize how many times I've had to sleep on the ground during purging missions?!"

"Vegeta, PLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSE?!!!"

"NO!" With that, Vegeta buffed both ears with his pillow and refused to say a word more.

__

(Simple-minded moron, that's what he is! And HE is the one that has surpassed me in all areas?! My stomach retches just thinking about it!)

It was truly a terrible night outside. The snowstorm, with the onset of darkness, had only increased its intensity. Large flakes fell constantly and without relief, coupled with the cold arctic wind, which howled like a banshee in heat. It rattled the very foundations of the cheaply-built hotel, causing the roof to leak slightly and for the window panes to shake (surprisingly, there WERE windows in the place). The inside of the hotel itself was eerily silent, its dark hallways ghostly and abandoned, almost as if its inhabitants were expecting something apocalyptic to occur. 

And it wouldn't be too long now...

__

~10:23 p.m.~

"AAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEOOOOOOUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

The scream suddenly rent the thick, tension-filled silence, jolting awake every man, woman, and child on the entire floor. Vegeta, who had been on the cloudy edges of blissful, dreamless sleep himself, heard it as well.

And he wasn't happy.

**__**

"KAKAROTT!" he raged angrily (for it HAD been Kakarott), pounding his fist upon the lumpy, creaky mattress. **_"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"_**

"Ve-Ve-VEGETA!" came the frightened reply. "Th-there's something under my shirt!! It's got six legs, and pinchers, and-"

Vegeta's eye twitched in agitation. Shaking his fist out into the dark towards where he assumed Kakarott to be, he shouted at a deafening volume, "**_FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST, JUST BLAST IT OFF, YOU STUPID FOOL, INSTEAD OF DESCRIBING IT TO ME!!_**"

"OK, OK, I'll try it!" Goku quickly shot back, his voice wavering slightly. "I'll just reach under my shirt, and---_OWWWWWWW!!! IT BIT ME! IT BIT ME! OWWWWWW! HELP!" _

Vegeta clenched his teeth so hard that they threatened to bend from the pressure. He watched as Goku, whose outline he could just barely make out in the dark (due to the fluorescent glow of the pink electric sign that proudly read as _Adults Over 18 Admitted Only_), proceeded to do a little jig that could only be matched by the fleet-footed males of _Riverdance_, the whole time emitting a series of earsplitting yelps that threatened to wake up the entire hotel. It was truly an awe-inspiring sight.

Staring unblinkingly at the scene with a mixture between fascination and disgust, Vegeta finally decided to do the right thing and raised his hand to fire up a Ki ball that would hopefully end it all and blow Kakarott away to Namek. It was a shame that he had to do away with him now, but this was something that could not be avoided, something that had to be done for the greater good. For the sake of his own sanity. For the sake of those who would eventually spring up from his loins. For the sake of anyone who ever had and also those who would have but now, thanks to him, would never EVER come into contact with this moron. Vegeta's palm spread outward, the Ki ball now turning purple and explosive. However-

That was when Goku suddenly and with little warning crashed onto the bed, panting with exhaustion and reeking strongly of rank masculine sweat (apparently he hadn't done a good enough job of scrubbing his armpits back in the hot tub). 

Vegeta scowled and dispersed the Ki ball, but that didn't stop him from growling indignantly: "Get OFF, Kakarott! I told you to sleep on the floor!"

"Aw, come on, Vegeta, PUH-LEASE?" Goku pleaded whiningly between breaths. "Whatever is down there will come back and it'll bite me again! You don't want that, do ya, Vegeta?!"

"I don't give a rat's ass WHAT bites you down there!" Vegeta roared. "GET OFF!!"

"Oh, come on! PLEASE?!"

"NO!!"

"PLEASE?!"

"NO!!"

"Come on, let's play a game of Paper Rock Scissors!"

"NO!!"

"Afraid you'll lose, Veggie?"

"NO!!"

"Then how about a game? Come on, you know you wanna, Veggie!"

Vegeta was immediately predisposed to say no yet again, but sometimes his malice got the best of him and he couldn't resist a chance to beat Kakarott. This was such a time. "Oh, very well, Kakarott," he relented, albeit a little grudgingly. "But I don't want you blubbering when you're forced to sleep with the rodents on the floor!"

"Oh, I won't, Veggie! Know why?"

Vegeta rolled his eyes. "Humor me, Kakarott."

"Because I know that I'll WIN!!"

Vegeta rolled his eyes again. Kakarott's mindless optimism, to say the least, SUCKED. 

At any rate, finally the game got underway and the two sat up on the bed, their firsts balled together and their eyebrows hooked in intense concentration. Vegeta had decided to choose paper, since he deduced that Kakarott would be a baka and would choose rock. However...

Goku smiled triumphantly as his scissors cut into Vegeta's flattened hand a second later. "Haw haw, Veggie! Somehow I just KNEW you'd do that! Haw haw!"

Furious beyond all words, Vegeta angrily knocked his hand away, growling in a low predatory tone, "All right, Kakarott, you win, but I don't want to hear a PEEP out of you during the night, UNDERSTAND?! That means no foolishness, no snoring, absolutely NO touching me, and NO removing your socks! Do I make myself clear?"

Goku smiled broadly and nodded his head. "Of course!"

"Oh, and one more thing, Kakarott..."

"Yes, Vegeta?"

"When we get out of here you will not tell a SOUL that we ever slept in the same bed!"

"Uh-huh, of course! You can count on me! But...why?"

"You damn well KNOW why, Kakarott!"

"No, Vegeta, I honestly don't!"

Vegeta clenched his teeth and thrust his head under the covers, hoping that he could perhaps fall asleep sometime between now and five in the morning.

***

__

~10:55 p.m.~

Finally Goku's constant questions concerning what men sharing beds did slackened off, and Vegeta was now able to raise his head from the covers and breathe fresh air once more. Ahhhh, glorious air...he couldn't quite put his finger on it, but SOMETHING had really begun to stink under there. Inching as far from Goku as he possibly could (which wasn't very far, I might add, even though this was a double-bed; two very big, muscular Saiyans DO tend to take up a lot of room, after all), he folded his arms back behind his head and commenced staring at the ceiling. Sleep was a long way from coming, at any rate.

Perhaps it was because he was in unfamiliar surroundings. He WAS used to that spacious room with that spacious bed right next to Bulma, after all. He was even semi-used to that sofa in the living room, where he was sometimes forced to go after an especially rough argument (back when she had been pregnant with Trunks, that had practically been his home base). But this--- this was just odd. He was in a seedy motel room in the literal middle of nowhere next to that---next to that---simple-minded ASSHOLE, which was as nicely as he could put it. 

Ah yes, Kakarott. Whenever he thought of his situation it always came back to Kakarott. The bane of his very existence. The idiot that could have beaten Frieza, Majin Buu, and even himself had he just not been a pansy and delivered the killing blow. The reason why all couples should consider using birth control. He could not even bear the thought that he had lost yet ANOTHER game of Paper Rock Scissors to that moron. He banged his fist angrily on the rock-hard pillow. It just wasn't fair!

And now he was being forced to sleep with him! IN THE SAME BED!! This was just absolutely, positively WRONG!! In fact, he even considered jumping down and sleeping on the floor, but that thought got brushed away fast, as doing that would, again, be admitting defeat and would be a blow to his Saiyan Pride (not to mention the fact that there might be poisonous things scuttling around on the heavily-stained carpet). Fuming silently, he rubbed his head restlessly along the pillow and looked over at his brain-dead bedfellow, praying to the LORD that he was asleep.

He couldn't tell. It was too dark to see his face (thank God).

Suddenly...

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ....

Yep, he was apparently asleep. Good.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...

Yes, the moron was without a doubt asleep.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...

For about the fiftieth time that night, Vegeta clenched his teeth. This was starting to get really annoying. Even in sleep!! Even in sleep did Kakarott always manage to one-up him!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...

He chose to try to ignore it. After all, trying to wake him to stop the snoring would just result in more questions and more foolishness. And after all he had been through today...

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...

He turned over onto the side facing the door, shutting his eyes hard and trying to grasp once again the sleep that had recently floated from just out of his reach.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...

If Kakarott could fall asleep, then he sure as HELL could, too.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...

He had slept in more terrible conditions than THIS, at any rate; sleeping with Nappa inside a tiny space pod during a purging mission would definitely qualify as worse.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...

It was slow in coming, but finally he could feel himself falling gently within the dark, blissful abyss of slumber. His mind slowly but surely turned off and Kakarott's snoring became nothing more than the sounds of the sweet, sweet waves of the ocean, lapping regularly and peacefully. Suddenly he became aware of the vague beginnings of a dream, one where he was fighting both Frieza and Cell at the same time, single-handedly and without even breaking a sweat. However...

"Aaaaghhhhhh...nooooooooo...stop it...Chichi...."

...THAT was when the talking began.

"Nooooooooo...quit it..."

Snapping awake in a heartbeat, Vegeta clamped his hand over his temple to stop the vein in his head from pulsating wildly. Letting out a low, feral growl, he shoved his pillow over his head and almost wet himself in an attempt to keep all control. 

"No...Chichi...no..."

For the love of all things good and evil, why wouldn't he just shut UP?!

"Noooooooo..."

What the hell was he dreaming about, anyway?!

"Quit it...Chichi...no...not tonight...AAGHHHHHH!!!!"

By the time he had heard the scream, Vegeta had had enough. Balling his fist so hard that it threatened to implode from all the pressure, his foot shot out faster than a lightning bolt and kicked Goku square in the shin, hard enough to cripple any normal human being. "**KAKAROTT!**"

"Stop...Chichi..."

He kicked him again. "**KAKAROTT...WAKE THE HELL UP..._NOW!!_**"

"Oog...no..."

"**_KAKAROTT!" _**By then it was getting so that you could barely see Vegeta's leg had you looked under the covers; it was kicking at such a frenzying pace.

Finally...

"Wha? WHA?!" Goku sat up in bed, looking all around him as his hand reached under the covers to (hopefully) rub his bruised shin. He turned to Vegeta. "What happened?!"

  
"Your snoring, you stupid baka!!" Vegeta shouted. "YOUR SNORING!!"****He did not care to add the part about the talking, as that had been a disturbing image in itself and he wanted to wrest it out of the grasp of his overactive brain. 

Goku scratched his head and then stared at his hand, almost as if he expected magic seeds to sprout from it. "Oh, uh, sorry, Vegeta!" he proffered, smiling retardedly. "I'm guess I'm just tired from that big ol' walk we had today!"

"Well, in that case, go back to sleep, you moron!" Vegeta retorted, turning back on his side with a derisive snort. "I do not want to hear your baka voice until the morning! And not even THEN if you can help it!" He refused to say a word more.

"Oh, uh, well, Vegeta...uh...good night, then!" 

***

__

~11:10 p.m.~

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ....

Vegeta was about at wits' end. He had raged and ranted, lectured and yelled, frothed and bit...but no sooner had he ended his tirade when Kakarott had fallen back asleep and started up his snoring yet again. AGAIN!!

Not only that, but his covers were gone. His bed partner had stolen them.

Vegeta scowled. Spandex was definitely not the way to go if you were looking for both comfort AND warmth.

He stared over to his left. Should he risk it?! Should he risk Kakarott waking up and grab the covers so he could get warm and hopefully fall asleep?! He really didn't want a repeat of the last hour with all of the droning and stupidity and ceaseless questions, but...

Oh, what the hell. It looked as if he wasn't going to sleep anytime soon anyway.

His hand reached out and pawed the covers, jerking them out from under his sleeping companion. He then covered himself with what little he was able to procure and settled back down yet again to try and fall asleep. 

Ahhh, blissful sleep...

But, as always, his success had been too good to be true. Goku, still snoring, grabbed them right back again.

Vegeta made an angry little choking noise in the back of his throat. Powering up the tiniest bit, he made a small effort and managed to wrench the covers back from his covetous companion. Again, he then tried to settle down and get to sleep.

No such luck. THIS time Goku rolled right over on top of him.

There was only one word in Vegeta's vocabulary that could possibly describe this situation: ew. Managing to control the angered, animalish scream that was starting to erupt from his vocal chords, he worked hard to try and roll out from under him and push him away.

No such luck. This man, even in sleep, had about the strength of an iron suspension bridge. Damn. At this rate it looked as if he was going to have to train for a few years before he took him on. And ugh, those big, sweaty arms---what in the hell could this guy smell THAT bad, and right after a bath, no less? Vegeta himself by no means ever smelled like a daisy, but compared to Kakarott, he could very well go out and start his own line of sweet-smelling bath and spa products. 

He powered up a little bit and tried to push him again. He wouldn't budge. In fact, it only made Goku stir a little and manage to somehow force his head under the covers.

Vegeta gasped and struggled desperately. This man had arms of steel!! God only knew why Chichi, who slept with him practically every night, had managed to stay alive for the last twenty odd years, his armspan was so crushing! But honestly, he REALLY didn't want to think about that at the moment; Goku's sleeptalking had been reminder enough of THAT mentally disturbing relationship. No, he wanted to get out of Kakarott's bone-crushing grip without waking him up, without having to turn into a Super-Saiyan, and best yet, he wanted to get out of it ALIVE in the end.

He ceased struggling for a moment and proceeded to take a deep, deep breath, to try to catch his wind so he could power up for another big shove, one that would hopefully free him. And man, did he get it.

But the wind he actually got wasn't even close to the kind of wind he had been trying to get. Hehe...not by a longshot. No, no, THIS wind was of a special kind; one that was especially potent when one's head was trapped under the covers. 

Eyes watering at the sheer lethalness of the Silent but Deadly he had just inhaled, Vegeta suddenly remembered an event that had occurred the previous morning...

__

~Flashback, at some restaurant on the other side of town~

"Dad! DAD!" Trunks called, running up to his father with a large platter of some type of Mexican food. "Want a breakfast burrito? Come on, they're really good!"

"I sure as hell will NOT, boy," Vegeta scoffed, who was sitting in the corner of a booth with his usual arms-crossed looking-pissed stance. 

Trunks was not one to back down. "Oh come on, Dad, try 'em! I know you'll like 'em! Mom says they'll grow hair on your chest!"

"I don't care! Put them away!" Vegeta hissed, stamping his foot for good measure.

"PLEASE?!"

"NO!!"

Suddenly Goku stuck his head up over the neighboring booth, looking down at the pair with curiousity. "What are you two guys yelling about over here?"

"None of your concern, Kakarott!"

"He won't eat my breakfast burritos!" 

Goku shook his head and smiled. "I guess your dad doesn't want any hair on his chest, does he?"

Vegeta rolled his eyes.

Goku continued on, "Well, I'll try 'em, then!"

He then proceeded to eat the entire plate of burritos.

__

~End of flashback~

That DID it. The bath, the snowstorm, the bed, EVERYTHING!! It had taken a long time in coming, but Vegeta finally snapped. 

"**_KAAAAAAAAAAKAAAARRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOTTT!!" _**he bellowed, his voice echoing off every wall and every hall in the entire complex.

This, being quite effective, forced Goku to immediately start out of his sleep with a small jump. "Wha- what is it, Vegeta?" he muttered tiredly. "Geez, every time I try to sleep, you always have to yell. Wassup with that?"

Vegeta almost choked in anger. "Why, you- YOU, YOU!" he squeaked, barely able to contain his fury. "YOU-"

"Well, what IS it, Vegeta? I'm waiting here!"

"GET- **_GET OFF ME!!!"_**

Goku slowly rolled off of him, looking at him in wonder. "What- what's wrong, Vegeta? You look like you're about to explode!"

Now having been freed from his strong, manly chains, Vegeta jumped up with surprising energy and vigor and began to chastise his companion, often jumping up and down on the rotten, wood-underlaid floor for emphasis. 

"**_WHAT'S WRONG?! WHAT'S WRONG, YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH?! IT'S YOU, THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG, YOU BRAINDEAD FOOL!! YOU ARE THE MOST ANNOYING, MOST INFURIATING BASTARD EVER TO COME INTO MY SIGHT!! I'D- I'D RATHER SHARE A ROOM AND BED WITH FRIEZA---HELL NO, I'D RATHER SHARE A ROOM AND BED WITH THE ENTIRE GINYU FORCE----EVERY DAY AND EVERY NIGHT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE RATHER THAN SHARE A ROOM FOR JUST ONE NIGHT WITH YOU! YOU STUPID, MORONIC, SIMPLE-MINDED---"_**

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...

His speech of triumph had suddenly been botched when for some reason the vibrating bed kicked in. Violently. And on the highest level it could go.

"Aagh, Vegeta, HELP!!" Goku screamed, his voice shaking in fear. "THE BED!! IT'S SHAKING! MAKE IT STOP! HELP!" His hand suddenly flailed out and grabbed Vegeta's leg, causing him to get off balance and to fall on the furiously shaking bed as well. 

"YOU MORON!" Vegeta shrieked, unable to sit up, as Goku, once again, was lying halfway on top of him. "I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY!! NOW FIND THE GODDAMN SWITCH BEFORE I BEAT YOU TO AN ASHY PULP!"

"Where is it? Where is it? I can't find it! I can't find it!" Goku's head, already dizzy from the shaking bed, literally spun around in all directions in an attempt to find the stop button.

"I DON'T CARE! JUST GET IT OFF ALREADY!!" Vegeta roared, his back practically breaking from Goku's weight.

"I'm trying! I'm trying!"

"WELL, HURRY UP, DAMMIT! YOU'RE HURTING ME!"

"Vegeta, don't whine like that!" Goku replied in desperation. "Do you want it off or not?!"

"OF COURSE I WANT IT OFF, I-"

Suddenly Vegeta's eyes widened. His head just so happened to be facing in the direction towards the doorway, and...there seemed to be several pairs of eyes peeking in from it. Several pairs of scared-looking eyes, I might add. After all, two big muscular Saiyans, one sitting on top of the other and on a vibrating bed shouting suggestive things to each other, WAS a pretty scary sight indeed.

Redhead, Laundry Boy, and Dreadlocks, now having been found out, all gulped and shut the door with a resounding slam. 

"GODDAMMIT!" Vegeta screeched like a barn owl, "GET **OFF **OF ME, KAKAROTT!" Struggling like mad and tearing up the covers at a frenzying pace, he somehow managed to crawl out from under Goku, stumble off the vibrating bed, and shoot out into the hall in hot pursuit of the inquistive hotel workers, the whole time roaring at the top of his lungs, "**YOU BASTARDS!! YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!!"**, probably managing to awaken the entire population of the hotel while he was at it.

Goku, meanwhile, kept on with the seemingly impossible task of trying to find the switch for the vibrating bed.

***

__

~11:30 p.m.~

Cursing vehemently under his breath, Vegeta finally stumbled tiredly back into the dark room, having finished scaring the hell out of the hotel workers and eventually locking them in a broom closet while giving them a expletive-filled lecture on peeping toms. After taking a moment to survey the situation, he quietly got into the bed, which was still vibrating slightly, feeling exhausted beyond all words. He barely even gave a damn at this point that Kakarott was lying next to him.

"Hey, Vegeta!" a tired but happy voice suddenly piped up, just as he pulled the covers tightly over him, "I fixed the bed! I couldn't shut it completely off, but-"

"Whoopdee-freakin'-do, Kakarott," Vegeta shot back sleepily. "Now shut up and get to sleep!"

"All right! Good night then, Veggie!"

This time sleep was fast and merciful, with Vegeta dropping within a mere five minutes. He was too tired to do anything anymore, not even think. He did think ONE thing, however, just before his unconscious overtook him: if by some miracle happened and he ever got home, Trunks was definitely grounded. For about forty years.

Author's Note: Whoo!! For me that was one looooooong chapter! I actually am kind of satisfied with it, though; the thought of Vegeta and Goku sleeping in one bed seems to be the funniest thing in the world to me! Anyway...next time expect another V/G chapter, with POSSIBLY the other plotline too if I can somehow work out the order of things. I'm not sure if I can yet.

Again, I thank ALL of the reviewers. You guys are so great! I really appreciate the reviews and they've even given me some interesting ideas (the phone, LOL!). Anyways, hope you're still liking it and look for Chapter 4 soon! 


	4. How NOT to Operate a Vending Machine

Disclaimer: Crap! I forgot one of these lovely things last time! I hope none of you cried TOO hard about that. ~Ahem~ I do NOT own DBZ or anything having to do with it, unfortunately. Otherwise I'd be busy making sure that Funimation didn't censor anything in the dubbed version. Oh, and the joke in the first part of the chapter? I'm not original enough to have made that one up myself. That's from an old movie called **_Trains, Planes, and Automobiles._**

Author's Note: Yes, I'm back. You can all groan now. I'm really sorry about the long wait; I had an especially nasty case of writer's block and I had trouble with this chapter. And maybe it still shows. 

A couple of people have asked me if this is slash. My answer is no, it's absolutely not. Yes, there are some slashy jokes, but these are just to accentuate Goku and Vegeta's bad situation and to get Vegeta infuriated (since he's probably the most homophobic person on the entire planet anyway). Vegeta and Bulma are also my fave canon pairing, and I'd never write anything jeopardizing that. 

Here we go:

It was now Day 2 of the infamous Metro East-Central blizzard, and tensions were running higher than ever. The snow continued to hammer down mercilessly upon the normally sub-tropical region, accompanied by the harsh, biting wind, which forced temperatures down close to zero and made it so that you couldn't see a hand in front your face. Worse was the fact that in many cases dozens of people were confined to one place, allowing them to get on each other's nerves and in extreme cases fight over food and necessities. Indeed, the end seemed to be nowhere in sight and could only get worse.

Of course, Vegeta didn't give a damn about all of this. He was still in the blissful confines of slumber, straddling between sleep and consciousness. It was a rare moment when he could be considered happy and at ease, but this was one of these moments. He was lying lazily in a warm bed, he had no desire to go and train with Trunks in the Gravity Room for at least a few hours, and currently he had no obligation to save the world from some crazed, insane alien that had twice his power level.

More importantly...Bulma was lying right next to him, in his arms, sleeping like a baby. 

He grinned wickedly upon thinking that last little bit. _(Not for long, woman, not for long...Heh-heh...) _He had already figured out a great way to start their day... 

Slowly but gently he snaked his arms further around her, caressing her slightly ruffled hair softly, nuzzling her warm neck and inhaling her sweet yet musky scent. Mmmm... Seduction was definitely an evil thing, but he knew that she could never resist him right away in the morning. Heh-heh...He slowly lifted his head, chuckling lecherously, and proceeded to nibble gently on her ear, knowing that soon she'd wake up from his subtle maneuvers. 

Heh-heh...it was only a matter of time...

"Hey Vegeta, what ARE you doing?! Stop biting my ear!"

The annoying voice suddenly cut through him like a deadly piece of shrapnel, causing him to awaken with a start and to fully realize where he was and exactly WHAT he was doing.

Dammit all, he had been trying to seduce Kakarott!

"Goddammit," Vegeta moaned out loud, his arms still around his [ex] rival. "What the hell IS this?! Why the hell am I spooning you, Kakarott?!"

"I don't know! And...why am I holding your hand?!" Goku wailed, turning slightly to face Vegeta.

Having realized something, Vegeta's eyes widened to the size of saucers. "...And where's your other hand, Kakarott?"

Goku sighed with relief at this. "Oh, not around you. It's between these two pillows!"

Vegeta's eyes suddenly bugged out and he roared with a predatory animalish growl, "THOSE AREN'T **PILLOWS!**"

He ripped himself away from Goku and leapt out of bed, brushing himself off vigorously while (for the first time in his life) managing to scream at the top of his lungs. Goku, slowly but surely realizing just WHERE his hand had been, immediately followed suit, his higher scream now joining in in unison with Vegeta's lower one. 

This continued on for awhile, with them both yelling and dancing around the room like a couple of drunk ballerinas, but finally they managed to get ahold of themselves and calm down. The two stood facing each other at opposite ends of the bed, each one staring at the other with what was unmistakably fear. 

Panting aggressively from this sudden but effective exercise, Vegeta angrily wheezed, "Never do that AGAIN, Kakarott!"

Goku angrily wheezed back, "All right, if YOU never do that again either!"

"Fine!"

"FINE!!"

Vegeta then turned away and stomped off to the bathroom, cursing vehemently as he tripped over one of Goku's boots lying on the heavily-stained carpet. Damn it all! What a PERFECT way to start off the day, groping Kakarott like that! It may have been unintentional, but it STILL would haunt him for the remainder of his years. 

He stayed in the bathroom for a good half hour, constantly splashing his face with the very cold but rusty-brown water, trying to think manly thoughts and overall avoiding Kakarott. 

And as for Kakarott...well...he decided to find out what would happen if he stuck his tongue on the window pane.

***

__

"Snow, snow, and MORE snow!! That's the forecast for at least the next two days, folks! Great for all you snow-lovers out there in Metro East-Central, right, Rob?"

"That certainly seems to be the case, Dolly! Today we're looking for at least another seven inches, not including the blowing, and perhaps even a little freezing rain! With less than a twentieth of a mile visibility and winds sometimes gusting up to forty-five miles an hour, I wouldn't be too surprised if even some of our heartiest people won't brave it out there to make that snow angel and sled down that hill! Why, I don't even think Frosty the Snowman himself could-"

Facing towards the door and sitting Indian style on the creaky, lumpy, still-vibrating bed, Vegeta scowled almost to the point of his face cracking apart. Stupid Kakarott, watching that stupid television anyway! Excluding Kakarott himself, that little tinny-sounding thing had to be the hands-down most ANNOYING thing ever. And yes, he DID remember what Babidi's voice had sounded like. Quite clearly.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWNNNNNNMMM...

Shit. There it was again.

"KAKAROTT!!" Vegeta screeched over his shoulder. "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU, TURN THAT FOOL THING **DOWN!!**"

"That wasn't the T.V., Vegeta!" Goku called out over the annoying blare of the loud Christmas commercial.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNN...

"Then what IS it, you simple-minded asshole?!" Vegeta shot back. "Enlighten me, then!"

"It's my stomach, Vegeta! I'm really, really, REALLY hungry!"

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMNNNNNN...

"YOU IDIOT! YOUR STOMACH CAN'T BE **THAT **LOU-"

GRRRRRRROOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNN...

At that point in time the wonderful-looking washboard stomach of Vegeta himself began to rumble and grumble loudly in protest of its treatment. He stared down at it in angry disbelief, wanting to cover his ears as Goku's stomach began to chime in itself. The two of them together made the entire room sound as if was currently being infested with a group of hungry migratory whales whom also happened to be in heat. 

Vegeta finally relented. After all, the last time he had eaten had been twenty-four hours ago, the morning with the breakfast burritos. "Oh, all right," he grumbled at his hopeless companion, "I am hungry as well. We might as well go downstairs and see if we can find anything to eat."

And thus the search for food began.  


***

"This is stupid!" Goku wailed about an hour later as he trailed behind Vegeta across the hallway. "There is absolutely NO food in this entire hotel!"

"Gee, Kakarott, what a ground-breaking observation," Vegeta replied blisteringly as he began to ascend the second floor stairs. 

"Thanks!" said Goku, brightening up a little bit. 

"And I didn't mean that in a GOOD way, Kakarott."

"Oh..."

They finally reached the third and last floor, a wall-stained and poorly lit area that was for the most part dilapidated. The cheap brown carpet stretched out endlessly on either side of them, giving one the impression that once somebody chose a side to walk on, there was no going back.

Vegeta put his nose in the air and went into his trademark arms-crossed looking-pissed stance. "Which way, Kakarott?"

Goku wagged his head around like an idiot, smacking his lips unnecessarily loudly as he strove to make the ground-breaking decision. "Uh...eeny meenie minie mo...uh...RIGHT!!"

"Good, then I'm going left," was the offhand reply as Vegeta turned to leave.

"HEY! THAT'S NOT FAIR!!" Goku screeched at Vegeta's retreating back. "HEY!!" 

Quitting with the shouting, he stood and shook his head sadly, muttering to himself, "What is WRONG with that guy? I was just trying to be nice!"

***

__

~Some time later, in the 3rd floor hotel lounge~

"WOW, Vegeta! Lookit! It's- it's- it's FOOD!"

What they saw was the most beautiful thing in the world. Sleek, shiny, and painted the most wonderful shade of sewage green, there stood in the corner of the lounge a large snack machine, one that held junk food of all the most popular sorts. Reese's Pieces, Kit Kats, Grandma Moore's Fake-Tasting Factory-Manufactured Choco' Chips...it was all there. The mere sight of it was enough to make both Saiyans drool profusely. 

Goku ran up to it and pressed his face against the glass. "Oh man, it looks like our prayers have been answered! I am sooo soooo sooooo hungry!"

Vegeta rolled his eyes in disgust. "Would you stop licking the damn machine, Kakarott?! It's no WONDER I never want to go near anything YOU touch!"

"So how do we work this thing?" Goku asked, ignoring him. "I mean, do we need money? And what buttons do we push?" He ran his fingers over the cluster of white buttons. 

Vegeta crossed his arms. "Tch, I don't know how to work the stupid thing, baka!"

"Well, you could at least HELP me here, Vegeta! How do you expect ME to know?!"

"Tch...FINE! It's not as if you'd be smart enough to work the damn thing anyway!" Shoving Goku roughly away, he peered intently at all the buttons and slots on the machine, crinkling his face in puzzlement. Goku hovered around him, often bending down and making stupid comments.

"Hey, maybe you just TELL the machine what you want and then it appears!"

"What's that slot for? Do you stick your finger in it?"

"Wow, whoever invented this thing must have been a scientist!"

"Oh, I KNOW!! Maybe you have to say PLEASE to get it to work!"

"Would you just shut UP, you baka?!" Vegeta ordered in an irritated voice, pressing the all of the buttons at the same time in a desperate attempt to get it to operate. "Your stupid commentary isn't helping at all!"

"Uh...sorry!"

Muttering angrily to himself, Vegeta reached into his spandex pants and produced a dollar bill. "Perhaps it needs money to operate. Hmmm...." Clutching the crumpled note in his hand, he scanned the machine and tried to find a place to put it. 

"Hey Vegeta, how 'bout putting it in that Insert Bill Here thingie?" Goku suggested innocently, his arms behind his head. "You know, over th-"

"I KNEW THAT!!!" Vegeta shouted indignantly, giving his companion a death glare. "I was just trying to test your low level of intelligence! Now then..." He turned away and stuck the bill into the slot, smirking evilly and imagining what tasty treat he would be devouring in about five seconds.

Unfortunately for him...the machine gave a sudden buzz and the bill came right back out.

"What the HELL?!" he exclaimed, grabbing it and stuffing it back into the slot.

It came back out again. "DAMN YOU!!"

He put it in again.

It came back out. "AAARRGHHHH!!!"

After about eight times of this, he finally decided that he had had enough. Allowing the bill to flutter to the ground one last time, he slowly raised his hand, and...

**__**

KAAAAAAABBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!

The entire snack machine (and also that horrid barf-colored sofa sitting nearby, I might add) was suddenly brutally smashed to tiny bits, corroding from the inside for about two seconds before completely exploding in a gigantic puff of smoke. 

And yes, that included all the candy.

Goku was very upset. "Now what was THAT for, Vegeta?! Now we don't have ANYTHING to eat!"

Vegeta smiled insanely. "Let's put it this way, Kakarott: if _I _can't figure out how to use the stupid thing, then no one else should be able to use it either." With that he quietly turned around and walked away, leaving Goku to stand there and cough in the smoke-filled room. 

***

__

~Some time later~

It was business as usual inside the tiny, dilaphidated hotel room. Vegeta was about on his five hundreth sit-up and Goku was sitting cross-legged on the floor, completely occupied with the television. 

Vegeta grunted forcefully as he slowly pulled his head up upon his knees, bored beyond his wits and also exhausted beyond them as well. He had to keep going, though. He couldn't stop. Rivulets of tears and sweat streaked down his face and his body was beginning to smell like a pair of the Ox King's socks, but he was forced to take the pain. Either that or he'd end up blowing up both the hotel and Kakarott from sheer frustration. Even so, it was getting harder and harder...

__

*I don't want anybody else,

When I think about you I touch myself*

The tinny sound slowly floated from the T.V., polluting Vegeta's ears and making him want to die a premature death. 

"KAKAROTT, TURN THAT SHIT OFF!!!" Vegeta screamed, his torso slamming down on the floor as he completed the sit-up. 

"Aw, come on, Vegeta!" Goku whined back. "You're no fun! This's my favorite song!"

"WELL, I HATE IT!! TURN IT OFF!!"

"But whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?"

"NOW!!"

"Whhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyy----"

"BECAUSE I SAID SO!!"

"Oh, all right, fine," Goku said in a huff, reaching for the remote, "but when YOU wanna watch something, I'll-"

His half-hearted tirade was suddenly cut brutally short when there came a sharp rapping upon the splintery door.

Vegeta stopped momentarily and scowled. "Now who the HELL could that be?!"

Goku shrugged. "I dunno. Guess we'll find out. COME ON IN!!" he shouted expectantly over towards the door.

The door slowly opened to reveal a short, squat woman wearing horn-rimmed glasses and a three piece suit. Upon her breast was stapled a cardboard star that proudly read as "LOVEBIRD INN STAR MANAGER."

Uh-oh.

Vegeta wrinkled his nose. "What do YOU want, you old bat?"

Ignoring his rude comment, the woman peered at the pair suspiciously. "Do you two boys know anything about the snack machine that was blown up on the third floor?"

Despite Vegeta's constant headshakes and waving arms, Goku smiled and did what he always did best: opened his mouth and blabbed. "Oh, that? We don't just KNOW about it, we DID it!"

Vegeta almost dented his own head in frustration.

"I see," the woman replied tonelessly, looking down at them in disdain. "And when you did this did you realize that we almost had to evacuate the entire hotel because of your recklessness?"

"Um...no..."

__

*Growl*

"And also that you destroyed every piece of furniture that was in the entire room, including that nice purple sofa that I bought for just five dollars at a garage sale?"

Vegeta put his nose in the air. "Consider it a _favor _that I destroyed that horrid-looking thing for you, wench!"

The woman's nostrils flared angrily. "You've got quite a lip there, gentleman! Is your bark actually as bad as your bite?!"

Vegeta glared at her haughtily. "My bite is TEN times worse than my bark, wench!"

"Well, in THAT case, zip it and hand over the two grand that you owe me for DESTROYING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT!!"

"Oh, and why should I?!" Vegeta shot back, scowling. "Why SHOULD I pay you back and allow you to keep this rotten hellhole in business?!"

"Do it or you're outta here!"

Vegeta weighed his options carefully. His evil side told him to hell with it and to just blast his way out of this hovel, but well...it HAD been cold out there. And he didn't want to spend half a day out there throwing snowballs at Kakarott, who was bound to get on his nerves. 

Finally...

"Get out then, you old crone, while we figure out who has to pay," he grumbled, looking away. 

"All right then," she replied, her glasses glinting aggressively at them, "but I'll be waiting right outside the door! You two are NOT getting away without paying!" She turned and left, the door slamming behind her. 

"You IDIOT!!" Vegeta screeched at his companion, his eye twitching convulsively, "Why did you HAVE to tell her that we did it?! We could have gotten AWAY with it!!"

Goku smiled sunnily. "You know what my ol' grandpa used to tell me, Vegeta, before that weird monkey-thing sat on him? He told me that honesty was the best policy. And that's exactly what I did!"

It took all of Vegeta's inner reserves of restraint to stop him from trashing the room right then and there. "Well, guess what," he finally growled, both of his fists involuntarily shaking in rage, "YOUR so-called _honesty _just screwed us over, Kakarott! We're about to get kicked out of this rotten hellhole, we have nowhere to go, and we can't even feel the others' goddamn Ki because of the goddamn snowstorm! How's THAT for your honesty, peabrain?!"

Goku squinted and sucked on his index finger hard, almost as if he was actually thinking. "Um...um...hey, you're right, Vegeta! I CAN'T feel anyone's Ki! Not even Gohan's..."

Vegeta smacked his forehead with his palm in frustration. "You're ENTIRELY missing my point, baka!" he shouted. "My point is---agh, NEVER FREAKING MIND! DO YOU AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO HAVE ANY MONEY??!!"

Goku scratched his head heard and thought for a minute. "Uh...uh...uh..." He continued like this for about thirty seconds before smiling goofily and replying, "Um...NOPE!!"

"GODDAMMIT!" Vegeta shrieked, striking his fist against the ground hard, causing loose wood and rubble to hit the unsuspecting people on the floor below. "Don't tell me that that STUPID wench of yours didn't give you ANY money for the ENTIRE trip!"

Yet again, Goku had to think on this for about twenty seconds. "Um...nope!"

Vegeta punched the ground in rage, causing part his fist to go through the floor and form a hole. "**GRAGGHHHHHHH!!!!"**

Goku grabbed his shoulder. "Hey, take it easy, take it easy already! It wasn't my fault anyway; Chichi said she couldn't trust me with money anymore, not after I went and bought a whole box of Chia Pets with our grocery money, anyway..." He trailed off thoughtfully.

Vegeta punched the floor again, this time widening the hole even more. "**GRAAAGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!" **

Goku nodded his head in agreement. "I know, buddy, I KNOW!! It WAS unfair, wasn't it? Even Gohan got mad at me for that one!"

"**GRAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" **By this point in time the guests below had a brand new bathroom skylight.

"I had to use water from the toilet to get them to grow 'cause she wouldn't let me waste the tap water!"

Vegeta suddenly stopped punching the air and grabbed Goku roughly by the shoulders, trying to shake the air out of him. "**_DON'T YOU GET IT, YOU STUPID BAKA?!!! I DON'T CARE ABOUT A BUNCH OF STUPID CHIA PETS! WE DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY!! AT ALL!! AND THAT MEANS WE'RE SCREWED!!"_**

Goku waved his arms and effortlessly whapped the furious Saiyan away. "Well, uh, don't you have any more money in your pants?"

Vegeta turned red and growled, "**NO!!**"

****

"Whaddaya MEAN, Vegeta? You own half of Capsule Corp., for crying out loud! You HAVE to have a credit card or something!"

"**_NOT ANYMORE!" _**Vegeta roared. "**_IT GOT MAXED OUT AFTER I WAS FORCED TO PAY FOR YOUR STUPID BREAKFAST BURRITOS!!"_**

Goku laughed nervously. "Uh- uh- thanks, Vegeta! I- I was wondering how I would pay for those, and---"

All of a sudden the door was yanked open. "Time's up!" the manager barked, stepping back in. "Time to pay for the damages!"

Goku shuffled over towards her, ashamedly avoiding eye contact. "Um...we don't have any money."

"WHAT?!" the manager's eyes glinted dangerously. 

Goku gulped. "I said, we don't have any mone-" All at once, he bucked down on his hands and knees, weeping uncontrollably and pulling on her pleated black slacks for forgiveness. "Oh, pleasepleasepleasedon'tkickusoutwedidn'tmeananythingandItoldhimthatheshouldn'thavedoneitbuthewastoostubborntodadmititandwedidn'tevenknowhowtoevenusethedarnthingandIwishIcoulddosomethngtoearnyourforgivenessandI-"

  
"Oh, just quit your blubbering already!" the manager relented, trying to struggle out of Goku's iron grasp. "Even **I **don't have a black enough heart to throw you two out in the blizzard!"

Goku stopped wailing and looked up. "You...don't?"

"No!! However...we HAVE had problems where bums like you won't pay up. And that's why, starting now, you two are going to work off your debt by scrubbing every inch of floor in this entire place. NOW!!"

Vegeta chuckled humorlessly. "You honestly think that I am going to do THAT, wench?! I am the Prince of all Saiyans; I never have and never will work a day in my life!"

"Take it or leave it, buddy; it's mighty cold outside!"

Vegeta clenched his teeth. "FINE!!"

The woman walked to the door. "All right then, we start now! And I want no complaining; you're not having a moment's rest until I see those floors spic and span!"

***

__

~Twelve hours, three floors, and at least thirteen rooms later~

Vegeta panted heavily as he stumbled up the second floor stairs, completely exhausted beyond all body and mind. It had been an absolutely numbing day's work, one that in which that even a Saiyan could not come out feeling normal. All he cared about at the moment was climbing up that one last excruciating landing of steps, stumbling inside the room, and curling up and falling fast asleep (even if it WAS next to Kakarott). He also had a very sudden urge to wash his hands thoroughly. Whatever that stain on the floor in that last room had been, it couldn't have been good. 

And right now he'd even still be working, had he not ended up bribing the manager with all of Bulma's expensive designer handbags. It was a tough pinch and he knew that she'd be incredibly pissed (to the point of him being forced to sleep on that rug in the basement), but after awhile he had decided it was either the handbags or his sanity (in the end it had been a very close draw). 

Stifling a tired yawn, he slowly produced the key to his room (not from his pants this time) and turned it into the room door's cheap lock. He then shuffled into the half-lit interior, scowling as he sighted Goku already lying in bed, who was looking strangely woozy.

"Move over, baka," he demanded impatiently, giving the still-vibrating bed a hard kick. "I am absolutely NOT sleeping anywhere near you this time!"

It took a moment before Goku replied. "Oh, all right, V-V-Vegeta," he said dreamily, giving off a slight yawn. "Hold on. I'm just really really tired from all that work I did."

Vegeta snorted. "What work, Kakarott?! It was only six hours before you sniffed the damn ammonia and was out cold!"

"Well, whatever it was, it sure was potent! Ohhhhhhh, and will you please stop this darn vibrating for me? I can't sleep because of it!"

Vegeta rolled his eyes, but he bregrudgingly pointed his index finger and blasted the bed, causing it to sag downwards in the middle and collapse sideways but also stop. "There!" he barked, getting into the other side of the broken bed. "Are you happy now, moron?!"

"Y-yeah. Go-good night, Vegeta."

"Oh, go to HFIL, Kakarott!"

"I SAID, good night, Vegeta!  


"Oh, fine. Good NIGHT, Kakarott!"

Author's Note: Yeccccchhhhhhh. I did not like the way this turned out at ALL. As I said, I really had trouble. However, I've already got an outline of the next chapter. This next one may be the last, though, depending on how long it gets. I really don't want to rush the ending I have planned out but I also don't want to give you a really short last chapter, so I'll try to balance things out if I decided to do two more. 

Remember to leave a review behind you!! :D I really enjoy getting feedback!!


	5. Girl Talk

Disclaimer: DBZ is not even remotely close to being mine. Now that THAT bombshell is out of the way, I guess I'll go on to the Author's Note. 

Author's Note: Whew, this was one monster of a chapter to write! Didn't really have writer's block at all; I just had to keep rewriting certain parts because I wasn't satisfied with it. Anyway, same old, same old: Vegeta. Goku. Stuck in room. Blizzard. Vegeta not happy, wants to blow up things. Goku naive self. Overall, not good.

I FINALLY squeezed a scene with Bulma and Chichi in this time. I will, of course, always keep the focus on Goku and Vegeta, but...keep reading and you'll see why I did this. Hehehehehehe...I kept snorting with laughter when I wrote it.

BTW: The timeline is finally back in sync. When the Goku and Vegeta POV switches to over across town, then everything will be at the exact same time. When we last saw everyone else back in Chapter One, Bulma and Chichi had decided to forget about the problem with the blizzard and to watch some soaps while everyone was still down at the buffet.

Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gasping fitfully, Vegeta suddenly awoke with a start, his head swimming at a dizzying pace and his limbs trembling uncontrollably. 

Terrible was not the word for it. He had just dreamed that Bulma had forced him to go on a two week vacation with most of the other Z fighters to celebrate the first year anniversary of the defeat of Majin Buu. During that time a blizzard struck and somehow he ended up stranded in a hotel room with Kakarott. Kakarott then, of course, slowly caused him to go insane with his stupidity. To put it simply, it had been the worst dream he had ever had. And YES, that DID include the one where he had been forced to clip Frieza's toenails. Horror of that caliber was not something that was going to fade out of mind quickly.

Wanting to forget about the affair as quickly as possible, he slowly crawled out of the collapsed bed and stumbled towards the bathroom, reeking of cold sweat and his legs trembling more than a badly-built Lego tower. He switched on the bathroom sink and began to splash his face with the freezing water, trying to rid himself of the horrible visions of Kakarott dancing in his head. 

After he had managed to shock himself into wakefulness sufficiently, he then grabbed a drying cloth that was nearby and patted his face dry, sighing with relief as consciousness slowly began to creep back into him and he started to feel -well- SAIYAN again. 

Ahhh----consciousness. A double-edged sword...

All at once something clicked inside of him and he slowly realized that the drying cloth that he was currently using was indeed not even close to being a drying cloth at all. In fact, it was underwear.

Used underwear.

Shock flooded inside of him as a high-pitched, annoying voice suddenly called out from behind: "Wow, Vegeta! I thought you'd NEVER wake up! It's almost two in the afternoon!"

Vegeta whirled around...and he did NOT like what he saw.

The dream...it had been true.

Horribly true.

Truer than the naked man sitting in the bathtub before him.

"KAKAROTT!" Vegeta bellowed, chucking the offending tighty-whities into the water. "I WILL **NOT **ABIDE THIS FOOLISHNESS!!"

Goku laughed. "Get out of the wrong side of bed, Vegeta?"

"NO!!"

"Have a bad dream last night?"

"**_NO_**!"

"Then what's wrong?!" Goku asked concernedly, scratching his head with one finger. 

"THE **FACT **THAT YOU'RE **ALIVE!**" Vegeta roared, stomping out of the room and leaving Goku to his own devices. He really did not want to stay in there a moment longer and witness Kakarott scratching himself underwater with the loofah or eating the soap or something else that was equally stupid.

Goku sighed and shook his head, rooting around in the hot tub for his underwear. "Man, I will never EVER understand that guy...Oh, poo!! My underwear's all wet! And I didn't bring any extra! Oh well, guess I'll just have to go without..."

***

__

~Half an hour later~

Bearing a cracked white mug that proudly read as I LOVE MY MOM on the front, Vegeta stomped down the hallway, looking even more constipated than usual. He had just been down to get water from the drinking fountain downstairs---if the poop brown liquid that was currently sizzling and frothing inside the mug was in all reality water. He wasn't really sure, but he was thirsty enough to give it a try anyway.

He inwardly groaned as he opened the room door only to find that Goku was parked in front of the television yet again. And, by the sounds of it, watching old reruns of Captain Planet. It looked to be one long day of training...

But no sooner had he plopped down on the high end of the collapsed bed and started to gingerly sip at his so-called "water" that Goku turned around, flashed a goofy smile, and asked innocently, "Hey, Vegeta, wanna watch T.V. with me?"

Vegeta scowled. "NO!!"

"Oh, come on! Captain Planet's on! And watching something's no fun unless there's someone nearby watching it right with you! So please?" He pleadingly patted the carpet beside him.

Vegeta snorted. "Why SHOULD I?!"

"Oh, come on! I'll turn it to something you like!"

"NO!!"

"PLEASE?!"

"NO!!"

"PLEASE?!"

"NO!!"

"PUH-LEASE?????????!!!!!!!"

Vegeta finally caved. "OH, ALL RIGHT! IF YOU'LL JUST SHUT UP!" he roared, unable to take Goku's nonstop, annoying whining a moment longer. Giving off an expression of long-suffering, he slowly slid down to the floor and assumed a position about a foot away from his witless companion, crossing his arms and folding his legs neatly under his behind (which had begun to become quite sore after his rigorous training session from the previous day).

Goku smiled toothily. "See, now was THAT so hard? In fact, I bet you'll LIKE spending time with me after awhile!"

"I wouldn't bet on that, Kakarott," Vegeta muttered under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Oh, NOTHING, you damn baka! NOW CHANGE THE FREAKING CHANNEL BEFORE I POUND SOME SENSE INTO YOUR THICK SKULL!!"

Goku thought (hard) for a moment. "Well, uh, why don't we just pop a tape in the VCR over there? It comes with the room, you know!"

Vegeta rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Kakarott."

"OK!" Still smiling broadly, Goku bent over (and right in front of Vegeta's face too, I might add) and rooted around in the cabinet under the television, looking for a suitable movie. Vegeta politely (and for the sake of his sanity) averted his head and eyes, crossing his arms even more tightly and having an angry inner monologue with himself as to why the hell he had even agreed to this. 

Finally...

"Hey, Vegeta! I found a good one!" Goku called out, his head still within the cabinet. "It's called _Animal Love!"_

Vegeta wrinkled his nose and said indignantly, "I am a SAIYAN, you baka! I do NOT watch movies about fluffy things! Find one with some more gore in it, idiot!"

"Oh, all right, all right..." Goku rummaged around some more, lying down on his stomach and sticking his head further in the cabinet. "Oh, hey! COOL! How 'bout _Love in the Steamy Jungle_?"

"Tch! I will NOT be caught dead watching THAT, you moron!"

"_Where the Boys Aren't?_"

"Hmph!!! You DARE to suggest that The Prince of All Saiyans watches chick flicks?!"

"Oh, hold on, hold on. Oh, I KNOW! Here's one called_ Lusty Blood_! How 'bout we watch THAT one?!"

Vegeta thought for a moment and then finally gave off a snort of approval. "Very well! As long as it says the word _blood _in the title, then it will suffice!"

Goku smiled emptily. "Great! Now just let me pop this in..." He carelessly threw the video jacket to the floor and proceeded to attempt to insert the tape into the VCR.

Attempt being the keyword, that is.

Becoming quite bored after watching his witless companion try to put the tape in backwards for about the fiftieth time, Vegeta decided to head to the bathroom and relieve his bladder, hoping that for the love of all things good and evil the movie would actually be PLAYING by the time he got back. 

And, unfortunately for him, it was.

AND it lived up to its name.

Well, partly, at least...

Why the word blood had been tacked onto this cheaply-made title was anyone's question, but it didn't take a genius to figure out where the other half of the name had come from, as Vegeta found out when he stormed out of the bathroom five minutes later, angered at the overflowing toilet. He looked up to see if his idiot fellow Saiyan had FINALLY figured out how to put the videotape in the VCR, and...

What he saw was horrific. It caused his eyes to bulge. For his throat to constrict. And for his body to involuntarily prepare to hurl.

"What---WHAT the HELL?!" he choked in an unusually high voice, his eyes widening to the size of saucers. "That- that isn't even anatomically POSSIBLE!" He continued to stare at the highly illegal acts on the screen in absolute shock, unable to rip his eyes from the horrifying yet engrossing scene.

Hearing Vegeta's desperate gurgles of terror from behind him, Goku slowly turned around and innocently asked his companion, "Hey Veggie, what IS this stuff?! It looks really good and all, but I have no CLUE what's going on! Can you tell me?!"

"Stuff it, Kakarott," was Vegeta's gruff reply as he without a second thought proceeded to rip the VCR right out of its socket, grab all of the other "titles" from underneath the cabinet, and unceremoniously throw everything out the window into the blinding, raging blizzard. He even went as far to shoot some bright blue Ki balls down towards where he believed them to have landed.

Goku put his head in his hands. "Oh NOOOOOO!!!! I KNEW we should have watched _Animal Love_!"

Not even bothering to explain that Goku's so-called _Animal Love _probably wasn't what he thought it was, Vegeta shut the window with a snap and turned back towards the TV, which was now snowing away on Channel Three. "Vulgar rubbish," he muttered, sitting back down next to Goku and continuing to murmur some more choice obscenities. 

"Well, what are you WAITING for?!" he barked angrily at his companion after a moment. "You've got the goddamn remote, now TURN IT TO SOMETHING!!"

Goku looked at him uncertainly. "Are you sure, Vegeta?" he questioned dubiously. "I mean, last time we tried to watch something you ended up doing away with the VCR, and maybe this time it could be the televi-"

"TURN IT!! _NOW!!!"_

"All right, all right..." He grabbed the remote and turned it back to the cable channels.

__

"Well, we never woulda thunk it possible, ladies and gentlemen, but the record for the most snowfall EVER, set back forty years ago, has now been broken as of 3 am this morning! Fifteen inches of snow--"

Vegeta snorted and waved his hand dismissively. "Turn it, Kakarott!"

Goku changed the channel.

__

"And now your buns can be firm AND hard, once you use this wonderful new innovative technology! The Butt Scruncher, described by one critic as "painful but invigorating", is now available to the public for just the low price of-"

Vegeta waved his hand again. "Turn!"

__

"Oh Bobbie, you'll never EVER believe this!! He left me! HE LEFT ME!! All 'cause I, like, broke wind on his bed!! OMIGOD, I HATE MYSELF!! I HATE MYSELF!!! HOW CAN I EVER-"

"Turn!"

__

"Mmmmm, Eduardo, you're absolutely just as sexy as EVER! I really don't think I'm making the wrong decision...do you? I just want you right here, right now... I want to be held with comfort in your strong arms, to feel your passionate mouth against mine, for your seed to spill-"

Vegeta grunted in approval. "Keep it here, Kakarott. I like this one."

Goku looked over warily. "OK..."

From that time on the two sat in companionable silence, both heavily engrossed in the human drama that was starting to unfold before their very eyes.

***

__

~Exactly at this moment, but across town~

Chichi threw her arms around a teary-eyed Bulma and began to wail uncontrollably, unable to contain her emotions. "Oh, Bulma!!" she shrieked hysterically, "I've been absolutely WAITING for this one! Anita and Eduardo are going to do it!! FINALLY!! They've been hinting at this for MONTHS!!"

Bulma, choking back a sob herself, squeezed her friend's hand so hard that it began to turn purple. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I KNEW it was going to happen, just not- just not- just not like THIS!!!! WAHHHHHHHHH!!" She broke out into a full-blown tear session, sobbing her eyes out while trying to see what was going on on the television out of the corner of her eye at the same time. 

Chichi sniffed pitifully into Bulma's shoulder. "Why are the writers of these shows so damn CRUEL?! I mean now, what about- what about- RAUL?!!!!!" A fresh torrent of tears began to yet again run down her normally stern face. 

Something suddenly forced Bulma to laugh loudly, even though the waterworks were still coming with a vengeance.

"W-what?" Chichi sniffled, "how can this POSSIBLY be funny?! The whole plotline---it's destroyed!!!"

Bulma waved it off carelessly. "Oh, it's not that," she replied in her normal voice. "I just remembered what Vegeta says to me every time he catches me watching this. That arrogant Saiyan ass, anyway..." She trailed off, shaking her head.

This piqued Chichi's curiosity. "W-what?" she questioned shakily, trying to hold back a sobby hiccup. "He doesn't actually LIKE this, does he?"

This caused Bulma to laugh even harder. "Oh my dear Kami, NO!! He absolutely HATES it! You know what he tells me? That if I'm watching this crap for a turn on, then I might as well just, then I might as well just -how can I put this NICELY- use HIM for that!"

This got Chichi to giggling as well. "Well...um...do you use him, then?"

Bulma smiled mischievously. "Sometimes. It depends. And if I do it's not until the end of the show, anyway."

"Bet THAT pisses him off!"

Bulma was still laughing. "It DOES!"

"Even _I'm _not that mean to MY husband!" Chichi exclaimed, wiping the tears off her face. "Tch...whenever _I _watch this show at home he'll sit right down next to me and watch it too. That man...he'll watch about anything..." She trailed off thoughtfully. "By the way, Bulma," she suddenly added, "how HAVE you been doing with Vegeta lately anyway? Kami only knows how long it's been since we had a good talk, what with our lives and everything..."

Bulma stared off into space for a second. "Ohhhhh...pretty good, actually. We've been married for what...a little over six years now?"

Chichi smiled nostalgically. "Yeah, I remember the wedding. What a day!" She started to laugh loudly, but stopped abruptly when she saw the frown starting to form on Bulma's face. "Oh, I'm sorry! I know it was a bad day for you, it's just that-"

"Oh, that's all right," Bulma cut in, waving it off. "It wasn't YOUR fault, anyway. YOU weren't the one that decided to spar with Goku right after the final vows!"

Chichi snorted back a laugh. "But you HAVE to admit, that WAS sort of funny. There they were, dressed in tuxedos, trying to beat the snot out of each other in front of about a thousand guests! And then-"

"-Goku got knocked out of the air and landed right in the middle of the wedding cake and forced it about twelve feet into the ground," Bulma finished for her, now smiling broadly. "Honestly, those two...when will they EVER grow up?!"

Chichi sighed. "Probably never. Vegeta's always looking for a fight and my Goku's always there to egg him on. What a fine example they set for our children!"

"And speaking of children," Bulma started, a smile slowly creeping across her face, "_I've_ been trying to talk Vegeta into having another one!"

"That's nice, maybe you WILL get that daughter you've always wanted! Although I can't exactly imagine Vegeta doing this willingly..."

"Oh, he'll cave after awhile! After all, he only PRETENDS to not have a heart. Kami knows he _really _tries to hide it from us two, but I know it's there!"

"...How?"

"Oh, just little things. But enough for me to pick up on. Like how he fusses like a little toddler whenever Yamcha comes to visit, for instance. Or how he always ends up going shopping with me, even though when I ask he says no at first."

Chichi looked at her friend thoughtfully. "Now THERE'S an idea, I should take Goku with me whenever I go shopping too! You see, I used to just give him the money and a list and make HIM go, but -well- when I started to see Chia Pets instead of food in the grocery bags, I had to put a stop to it."

"Sounds like Goku, all right," Bulma laughed, rolling over to lie on her stomach. "...So how has it been, having your husband back after him being dead for seven years?"

Chichi smiled dreamily. "Oh, wonderful! It's so nice to have a full house and a big family again! He spends so much time with the kids. Goten, especially... It's almost like he never was away at all!"

"Yeah...I know it's been tough on you, all these years..." Bulma trailed off, staring intently at the ceiling. 

Chichi, after a moment of quiet thought, looked over sideways at her friend. "I remember how concerned I was about you...back when you and Vegeta first got together. I wondered how that man could EVER be a decent father---or if he'd even stay with you at all! I guess I had no need to worry..."

Bulma laughed. "Sometimes it's hard to believe that he's the same guy that was going to blow up the Earth with a Ki ball! I mean, he's definitely not Mr. Sensitivity, but deep down he cares about us, and that's really all that matters!"

"Has he loosened up any, what with nothing and nobody to fight? My Goku hardly EVER trains anymore; I mean, there's really no point to it!"

"He still DOES train," Bulma replied slowly, "but definitely not as much. Instead of getting all sweaty in the Gravity Room all day, he'll ACTUALLY come out and spend time with me and Trunks." She shook her head. "Honestly, if you would have told me that ten years ago I would probably have laughed you into next week!"

Chichi smirked. "Well, if you ever find that he spends his time in the Gravity Room 24-7 ever again, then just do what I did before the Androids came. _I _had to give my Goku an ultimatum: that if he snuck away to train for weeks on end without coming home EVER again, then he would have NO-"

Bulma's jaw dropped in absolute shock. "No!"

Chichi smiled evilly. "Yes."

"That is SUCH a good idea," Bulma replied, in complete awe. "You're a genius, Chichi! I mean, that would probably render Vegeta completely HELPLESS!"

"You mean...it's to the point where he can't live without it?!"

"Of course! The man's to the point of begging for it practically every night!"

Chichi looked absolutely scandalized. "EVERY NIGHT?!! Bulma! I never DREAMED-"

But Bulma just smirked evilly. "Hey, I never said that I didn't shoot him down half the time, now did I?"

"Um--" A voice nearby suddenly interrupted the duo's girl talk. Bulma and Chichi looked up only to see that Gohan was standing on the other side of the bed, slowly becoming quite red in the cheeks. Apparently he had been standing there for awhile...

Chichi smiled. "Oh, Gohan! Didn't see you there! Finally done with the buffet?" She paused for only a split second, not bothering to wait for an answer. "Well, never mind, I want you to be a good little boy and run along while me and Bulma talk about...things."

Gohan looked from side to side shiftily. "Uh...yeah. Uh, Mom, as much as I really do NOT want to know ANYTHING about what you two were just talking about...uh...there's something I really need to mention to you guys."

"What is it?"

"Uh...you know how the snowstorm's been blocking Dad and Vegeta's Kis and everything so we can't tell where they are right now?" The two women nodded. "Well, about twenty minutes ago I just felt someone's over on the other side of town."

Bulma looked up in interest. "Really? I thought that bad weather ALWAYS blocked out people's Ki."

Gohan shook his head. "Not in this case! MAN, I haven't felt Ki that powerful ever since Dad ripped that one in front of Videl! Whoever was powering up over there must have been PISSED!"

Bulma rolled her eyes in frustration. "Five bucks that was Vegeta!" She shook her fist angrily. "Honestly, if I find out that he blew something up again like last time, 

I'll-"

Chichi, however, just sighed with relief. "That's the first good thing I've heard all day! Were you able to tell whose Ki it was?"

"Nope," Gohan replied with a shrug. "It could have been EITHER Dad or Vegeta, I'm not too sure what their power levels are at right now." He cleared his throat and turned to leave. "Well, I'll just leave you two to whatever you were talking about before," he added, not bothering to hide his involuntary shudder. "Just wanted to tell you that they're OK!"

"Yeah, thanks!" Bulma shouted out after him as he turned to go into the other adjoining suite.

Chichi sighed as soon as he was out of earshot. "Well, that's another burden off my shoulders! It seems they're OK! But I still wish they were here with us..."

Bulma growled in frustration at the very thought of it. "Be glad they're not! I already have to share a bed with you, my son, YOUR son, and my ex-boyfriend! Throw in Goku and Vegeta and we probably wouldn't even survive the night!"

Chichi wrinkled her nose. "True..." She then started to laugh hysterically. "The THOUGHT of those two sharing a bed is enough to give me the shivers!"

"Then that just proves my point," Bulma added, smirking. "I mean, IMAGINE it, with two more people in here!" She thought for a moment. "We-ell, I s'pose Goku wouldn't be TOO bad, he'd always be either in the bathroom or down at the buffet, but...Vegeta's another story!"

"That reminds me," Chichi interrupted, frowning a little, "why DID Gohan feel that Ki over across town?!" She suddenly grew stern upon thinking it over for a second. "Honestly, if your Vegeta decided to get into a fight with MY Goku yet AGAIN," she added, clenching her fists and turning a shade of bright red, "I swear that when I DO see him again, I'll- I'll- HIT HIM WITH MY FRYING PAN!!"

"Yeah, and then give ME a turn!" Bulma replied, scowling angrily herself. "Geez...he's a grown man, for crying out loud, he should KNOW better..." She shook her head in exasperation. 

The two sat in silence for a moment, both quietly fuming about what they would end up doing to their husbands if they found that such a scenario had actually happened.

Bulma looked up after a moment. "Well," she started brusquely, beginning to stand up, "that's enough of that. As much as I love my husband and wish he were right here strutting that tight body and screaming obscene things at Goku, I am absolutely THROUGH with thinking of him for today. Kami...I don't even WANT to KNOW what those two are up to right now!"

Chichi shook her head. "I'm afraid that I don't either...But you know," she added quietly, putting her hand on her friend's shoulder, "we just HAVE to continue this conversation later! And preferably when Master Roshi's not around..." She shuddered at the very thought.

"Oh yeah, and _speaking _of that crusty old man," Bulma spat out in reply, bending over to look under the bed, "Come help me find those 'magazines' of his while he's still downstairs! I am so SICK of having to grab those from his grubby old hands! And I KNOW he's got a stash somewhere!"

"With pleasure," Chichi growled, kneeling down on the floor to do a search herself.

Author's Note: Eeeerrghhhhh...I don't know whether to laugh or cry about this one. It was funny (to me, anyway), but I thought it was a lot different than my previous chapters. I have no clue myself how many chapters are left anymore; this one was a lot longer than it was supposed to be. Two, maybe? I'm not one for rushing this.

Yeah, I thought it would be hilarious to put in a part where Bulma and Chichi "girl-talked" about their sometimes annoying and overall clueless husbands. Chapter 6 will be something similar---except THIS time it will be the other way around (and talked about in front of the same soap opera, no less)! What can Goku or Vegeta POSSIBLY say about their wives that is even more mind warping than what was in this chapter?! We'll see about that one...

Anyhow...please review!! Whether it's good, or bad, or whatever, I'll enjoy the feedback! 


	6. Saiyan Talk

Disclaimer: The day I learned that I didn't own Dragonball Z or anything having to do with it was a sad, sad day indeed.

Author Note: Sorry about the delay! It took me a long time to get the basic structure of the chapter down, but once I started it, I really got rolling. *Sigh* Cranking a chapter out every three weeks is unfortunately becoming the norm for me. I'll try and get the last chapter out a lot faster, though; and I promise that the ending will go out with a bang and not a whimper! 

Anyway, a couple things that I'd better explain before you read: as promised, this chapter is basically the opposite of the last one; it's Goku and Vegeta having the conversation this time. Oh, and uh, I apologize in advance if there seems to be terrible punctuation (y'know, like periods where commas and ellipses are supposed to be). There's some sort of bug on the site right now relating to that. Uh, I'm not doing it on purpose!

"_Raul! RAUL!! It's not what you think! I- I-"_

"Enough, Anita! I've had enough of it all! You and your traitorous back-dealing are absolutely OUT of my life!"

"RAUL?! How- how can you possibly say that? All the good times we've had together, all the experiences, and the child that we so lovingly nurtured-"

"I don't CARE anymore, Anita! The trust, it's gone! How am I to know if the child is even MINE?!"

Vegeta, as usual, seemed to have all the answers for everything. "Tch, it's all YOUR fault, you fool!" he snorted arrogantly, imperiously folding his arms across his chest. "YOU should have made sure! YOU shouldn't have rode her like a pony when you knew she wasn't being faithful in the first place!"

Goku shook his head in bewilderment. "Man, Vegeta, you don't hafta get so mad! You sound just like Chichi! Sometimes I'm trying to watch this and she gets all crazy and throws her frying pan at the TV!"

Vegeta snorted again, his eyes still glued to the tube. "You just don't GET it, Kakarott, do you?" he growled. "If _YOUR _wench decided to cheat on you, would YOU keep going back for more?"

There was a momentary silence as Goku took a second to figure this out. "Um...um..." He sat there stuttering for quite awhile, his finger jammed far up his nose in quiet contemplation. "Um...yup!" he finally deduced after a full two minutes, bobbing his head up and down cheerily. "I would give Chichi another chance!"

Vegeta could only roll his eyes at the redundant reply. "Just like you did for Frieza, right, Kakarott?" he shot back scathingly.  


Goku laughed, "Yup!"

There was a snort. "You would!"

"Whaddaya mean, Veggie? Of COURSE I'd give anybody another chance, even if they've never EVER done one good thing in their entire li---"

But Vegeta's attention wasn't on Goku anymore. "GODDAMMIT!!" he screeched at the television, hurling some unidentifiable object at the screen. 

Now it was Goku's turn to get upset. "HEY!! That was my underwear, Vegeta! I'm trying to get it to dry, and you-"

"Oh, can it, Kakarott," Vegeta shot back grouchily, shifting position slightly. "This part is important to the plot!"

"Wha?"

"Raul DIED, you baka! He went to the next dimension when he mistook some liquid Tylenol for a vial of rat poison!"

Goku scratched his head. "Wow...ouch," he commented lamely as his brain struggled an uphill battle with the concept. 

"No shit, Kakarott."

Goku, having a simple mind which practically no attention span, promptly went on to the next thing. "Hey, 'Geta!"

Vegeta cringed at the terrible nickname, but grunted in reply.

"What GOT you into soap operas in the first place? I mean, I never even DREAMED that you actually-"

Vegeta's eyes flashed. "Kakarott, if you tell a SOUL I watch these of my own will," he threatened darkly, "I WILL, and I mean I WILL, shove my freakin' boot up your a-"

Goku cocked his head to one side. "Really? I've been punched and kicked and slammed to the ground for years now, but I've never had THAT---"

"AND MAYBE IT'S AFFECTED YOUR GODDAMN BRAIN, YOU BAKA!!!!" Vegeta roared at his witless companion, his eyes twitching agitatedly. "FOR THE LOVE OF DENDE, YOU NEVER **_EVER _**HAVE A CLUE, DO YOU??!! NOW SHUT THE HELL UP BEFORE I PLUG UP EVERY HOLE IN YOUR GODDAMN BODY!!!!!"

Goku looked a little downcast. "Well, geez, Vegeta, you didn't have to put it THAT way," he commented, fidgeting around restlessly. "It was just an innocent question!"

Vegeta snorted. "Well, if you seriously want to _know_, Kakarott," he shot back impatiently, his eyes still on the screen, "it's because of that damn woman of mine. EVERY day, without fail, she watches this fool show. It's disgusting! Anyway, at times I will endure watching this with her, because when it's over then there's a chance that she might allow me to---" He then abruptly cut himself off, not relishing the idea of sharing any details of his love life with Goku. "...And that's why I know this goddamn plotline inside-out!"

Goku's brow crinkled. "So what does she let you do, then?"

"Never mind, Kakarott!"

"But what?"

"NEVER MIND!"

"What?"

By this time Vegeta was ready to rip his hair out in sheer frustration. "KAKAROTT, MY PATIENCE IS BEGINNING TO WEAR THIN!" 

"WHAT?!"

"YOU'RE TREADING ON VERY THIN ICE, KAKAROTT!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

"OH, ALL RIGHT!! ALL RIGHT!! HAVE SEX!! IF I SHUT UP AND WATCH THAT IDIOTIC SHOW WITH HER THEN THERE'S A CHANCE THAT I MIGHT BE ABLE TO HAVE SEX!!! ARE YOU SATISFIED NOW, KAKAROTT??!!" He ended his tirade with a final fist shake in Goku's face, half-expecting for his witless companion to start asking what sex was.

Instead the unthinkable happened. "Really, is that ALL?!" Goku giggled, letting out the occasional snort. "You must be desperate, huh, Veggie?"

"And what is THAT supposed to mean, Kakarott?" Vegeta simply asked, an underlying dangerous tone being subtle but present in his voice. 

Goku kept on with the grating, snorting laugh. "Just what I said, Veggie! Man..." He shook his head, unsuccessfully trying to choke back another wave of laughter. "A guy like you, I never woulda thought---" -choke- -gasp- "---having to BEG--"

Vegeta, however, obviously did not find this very funny. "KAKAROTT, I'M WARNING YOU!!"

"Man, she's gotcha whipped, doesn't she?!"

"KAKAROTT!!"

"So what is it, Veggie, once a month, twice a month, maybe even a few times a ye-"

****

"KAKAROTT! I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS FOOLISHNESS!" 

Goku smiled winningly. "Why, of course you don't, Veggie!" he replied, patting his "friend's" shoulder gently. "WE all know that it's only once every TWO ye---"

Vegeta was starting to get ashamed that a man with a negative IQ was successfully one-upping him. "**_I'M WARNING YOU, KAKAROTT_!!**"

"Why so mad, Veggie? Why not just tell me? Oh, I KNOW! Maybe it's because what I'm saying is tr-"

****

"DO NOT CALL ME _VEGGIE!!" _

Goku could not help but laugh. "Touchy, touchy, huh, Vegeta? Geez..." He shook his head amusedly. "I'm kidding, I'M KIDDING!! You're such an uptight guy, you know?"

Vegeta just glared at him.

"All right, all RIGHT! I'm sorry, I'm REALLY SORRY! How's that?"

Silence. 

"Oh, come ON! I didn't MEAN it! I apologize!"

"Drop dead, Kakarott!"

Goku beamed like an idiot. "Great! You forgive me! But---" -his voice then dropped down to barely above a furtive whisper- "---just between you and me, I'm sure that YOU weren't dragged upstairs for about three days for some 'recreation' right after we killed Majin Buu, right?"

For some reason unknown to even himself, Vegeta actually chose to answer that question. "No," he replied gruffly, "No, Kakarott, all _I _got was a pat on the butt and an order to babysit Trunks all night while SHE was at a meeting!"

Goku let out a low whistle. "Wow...ouch! But then again...Bulma's a busy woman, right? C'mon, Veggie, you've gotta be more romantic, y'know, sweep her off her feet! Chicks dig that romantic stuff, ya know?" He scratched his head. "Just don't make toast for her. I tried to do that once, and my fingers got stuck in the toaster. They had to call the fire department!"

Vegeta could only roll his eyes at Kakarott's sheer and utter stupidity.

"But 'cha know," Goku went on, "it's true, things like that really DO work! Women LOVE that kinda stuff! So c'mon, Veggie, if you wanna get more you hafta DO more! Have you ever told her you love her?"

Vegeta was absolutely appalled. "Why the hell would I EVER do that, you baka?!"

Goku rolled his eyes. "I dunno, 'cause you DO, maybe?" He paused. "Hey, you do, right?"

"What kind of a stupid question is THAT, you moron?!" Vegeta snorted, turning the tiniest shade of pink and looking away. 

Goku smiled. "Ooooohhh...harsh! But I guess you hafta keep your reputation up, right, 'Geta? But anyway..._I _think you should take my advice. _I _think you should surprise her by doing something nice for her!"

"When hell freezes over, Kakarott!"

"Oh, come on!"

"Just how braindead ARE you, Kakarott? When have I ever been known to be NICE?!" 

Goku had to think about this for a minute. "Um...um..." As if you couldn't tell, it was hard to determine ANY time in which Vegeta had ever been nice. "Um...the time you complimented me on my karate gi?" he put out lamely after a moment. 

Vegeta couldn't resist a snort. "It was pink, Kakarott! PINK!" He smiled wickedly as he fondly recalled the day he had made constant fun of Goku's bubblegum pink getup.

Goku's brow furrowed. "Well, geez, Vegeta, _I _don't know how to wash clothes! And then Chichi got mad and made me do it by myself! Even my underwear was pink!"

Vegeta's wicked smile widened.

Goku became indignant. "Heeeeeeey! Don't laugh! Anyway, YOU'RE the one that has a pink shirt if I remember right! AND you've worn it, too!"

Vegeta's wicked smile began to fade. "That was only because Bulma forced me to, you baka!" he hissed angrily. "In fact, she STILL sometimes forces me to wear it, when we-" He caught himself in the act on this one and wisely shut up.

Luckily, Goku didn't even notice the little slip. "But STILL," he laughed, pointing an accusing finger at Vegeta, "there were the yellow pants! If _I_ had to wear yellow pants, then I wouldn't wear any at all!"

"Judging by the eternity I've spent in this freaking hellhole with you, Kakarott," Vegeta stated dryly, "you don't wear pants half the time anyway."

Goku cocked his head to one side thoughtfully. "True..." He paused and stared off into space for a long time, for some reason suddenly losing his God-given ability to talk nonstop. "Wonder what Chichi and the kids are doing right now," he finally muttered, lying on his back and looking up at the cracked, stained ceiling.

Vegeta snorted. "Probably driving everyone else completely insane."

"Probably." Goku knew only too well what Chichi was capable of if given a frying pan and a room that echoed. 

Vegeta rolled his eyes and rolled over to lie on his stomach. "Hmph! I hope this incident is changing Bulma's mind about having another child!"

"Why? Has she been nagging ya for one?"

Vegeta glowered. "Yes! Every night, every day, every freaking SECOND!"

"Same thing happened to me eight years ago, Veggie! Except that time I -well- lost."

"I don't get it!" Vegeta growled. "Doesn't she REMEMBER what we went through back when we had the boy?! The sleepless nights, the constant mood swings, the-" 

-he involuntarily shuddered at this one- "-lamaze class! And what if it turns out to be a - a-" -this time he shuddered even more involuntarily- "a GIRL?!"

Goku shuddered himself. "THAT would be scary!"

Both men sat quietly in front of the blaring television, each having their own personal nightmare about just what it would be like if another female was living in each of their respective houses. 

Vegeta was in the throes of an especially nasty thought about being forced to play dress up when he suddenly became aware that the annoying Muzak that was in the ending credits of _Throbbing Passion_ was currently blaring. "SHIT!!" he screeched, his fist connecting with the floor with a resounding boom. "It's completely over! And I never got to see ANY of it, thanks to YOU, Kakarrot!"

Goku just smiled. "Oh, that can't be the _worst _thing in the world, can it, Veggie? Guess you'll just have to watch more of it with..._Bul-ma_!" he taunted, remembering to make some immature kissing noises while he was at it. 

Needless to say, Vegeta's temporary truce with Goku was now over.

***

"_Sorry, ma'am, but we don't have ANYONE here that even remotely looks like the pair you've described. Looks like you're out of luck!"_

"But are you SURE?!" Bulma, who was starting to get more than a little desperate, pleaded into the phone's receiver. "Think back a little! One's really tall and strong looking, and the other is short, has tall hair, and wears a spandex body suit. Does that help?"

She thought she heard a little chuckle on the other end of the line. _"Listen, lady, I said NO the first time! I think I'd REMEMBER if I saw a pair like that! Try somewhere else! Why don't you call somewhere like...oh, I don't know...a gay bar!" _

"MY HUSBAND IS _NOT _GAY, YOU MORON!" Bulma screeched furiously. "YOU ARE!" With a flourish she then slammed the pay phone back into its cradle and turned back around towards Chichi, who had been straining to hear what was going on.

"Nothing THERE either?!"

Bulma scowled. "I can't BELIEVE this! We've now tried EVERY hotel in this whole damn town and STILL no sign of them! What did they do, disappear off the face of the earth?!"

Chichi sighed and stared at the list of possible husband locations they had written up. "And we've also tried everything on this list! Even the Humane Society! So where the HELL are they?!"

"I wish I knew!" Bulma shook her head in frustration. "Those idiots _anyway..._Leave it to those two to TOTALLY screw everything up! So what do we do NOW?!"

Chichi, who was at this point looking close to tears, rubbed her forehead tiredly. "Nothing, I guess...We'll have to wait until the snowstorm's over so Gohan can feel out their Ki..." She trailed off uncomfortably. 

There was a long silence in the empty lobby, the only sound being the blizzard that was still roaring on outside. 

"Soooooooo..."

"Soooooooo..."

"It looks like we'll have to- to-...to go to bed," Bulma finally voiced, reluctantly turning towards the staircase. 

"I guess so..."

Both women were absolutely dreading what they might find upstairs. Now that everyone had ravaged the buffet and had long since arrived back at the two adjoining rooms, they were both willing to bet that everything up there was one big, disorganized, chaotic mess. After all, three half-Saiyans, a perverted old man, two clueless humans, and a former android spelled trouble with a capital T. Still, though...it would be too cold to sleep out in the lobby...

The first person to greet them upon their arrival was a very upset-looking Gohan, who happened to be completely spattered in some kind of unidentifiable goo. "Mooooooo-ooooooom!!" he wailed pathetically, "Look at me! Someone plugged the toilet!"

Bulma gritted her teeth. "And I bet I know who! TRUNKS!! GOTEN!!" she shouted, stepping further into the room and looking in all directions. "GET YOUR LITTLE _BUTTS _OVER HERE!!"

Two sheepish-looking little heads reluctantly peeped out from the dark recesses of the room's large walk-in closet.

"We didn't do it!"

"Moooo-oooom, I swear it was just a crayon!"

"Big brother's just overreacting again!"

Upon hearing this, Gohan absolutely flipped out. "OVERREACTING?!" he roared, starting towards them with a look of murderous intent on his face. "OVERREACTING?! LOOK AT ME!! I'M ENTIRELY COVERED IN SEWAGE!! HOW CAN I BE OVERREACTING?!"

Chichi quickly hurried in between the two parties and laid down the law. "Gohan, go take a shower!" she ordered forcefully, grabbing her elder son by the shoulders and giving him a little push in the direction of the bathroom. "_We'll _take care of these two ourselves!"

At this comment Trunks and Goten's faces drooped remarkably. 

Chichi scowled and rounded in on the two mischievous Saiyans. "Oh, so you two thought you'd get away with what you did, huh?! Well, I honestly don't even WANT to know what you threw in there this time, but I DO know that this has to stop! Goten, when we get home you are GROUNDED to your ROOM until further notice!!"

Goten's face reddened visibly and Trunks started to laugh loudly at his friend's over the top punishment...but that was before Bulma had had her say. "And _you_, Trunks," she put in, a wicked smile on her face, "_I'm _going to tell...Daddy!"

Trunks nearly choked in horror. "N-not Daddy!" he blubbered. The only time that Bulma ever referred to Vegeta as "Daddy" was when Trunks had done something especially bad...and also when she turned the punishment over to him. 

"Yes, Daddy!" Bulma spat out. "YOU should have thought about the consequences BEFORE you decided to do it! Now get your pajamas on and GO TO BED!!"

"But we can't, everyone's still awake and the lights are still---"

"BED!! NOW!!"

"But Yamcha's feet stink!"

"NOW, TRUNKS!!"

"All right, all right..."

***

Bulma stared doubtfully at the mass of humanity that was already sprawled out on the king size bed, which already creaked painfully under the extreme weight. "Can anyone move a little bit so I can get in?"

There was a collective groan as Chichi, Goten, Trunks, and Yamcha painfully scrunched together some more to budge up a little for Bulma. As she finally climbed in and was forced halfway on top of two people, Yamcha asked her nervously, "Hey...um, you're not gonna tell Vegeta we slept in the same bed, right?"

Bulma just had to roll her eyes at this one. "Trust me, Yamcha, I don't want you dead."

"Uh...good! 'Cause I just remember the last time I came over to your place...and he wasn't too happy. He decided to test his shotput skills on me that time. Next thing I know I'm lying on top the roof!"

"And _I _thought you stood me up! I'm so sorry!" There was a long sigh. "Dear Dende...I TOLD him to stop doing that! If I ever see him again, I'm gonna-"

But she never got to voice what she would do when or if she ever saw her husband again. Because THAT was when the lights unexpectedly went out.

This sudden and shocking plunge into darkness was heralded by a primal "AAARGHHH!!" of rage ( presumably from Gohan, who was still in the shower) and several softer but no less annoyed groans from everyone in the two rooms. Then, as was usual, chaos proceeded to break out.

"GODDAMMIT!!" 

"What ELSE can possibly go wrong?!"

"MOO-OOM!! I think I wet the bed!"

"GOTEN!!"

"YAM-CHA!! GET YOUR STINKY FEET OFF ME!!"

"Bulma, as much as I'm really enjoying this right now, would you _please _stop grabbing my ass?!"

"I am most certainly NOT groping you, Yamcha! Why would I grab you if I've got something at home that's bet-"

"Then who is it?! WHO IS IT?!"

"Er...hehe...sorry!" Roshi had apparently decided to take advantage of the sudden plummet into darkness.

"ROSHI!! GET AWAY!! _NOW!!_"

"Go take a hike, you old pervert!"

"Hey, kids, I was just---"

"GET OUT OF HERE!!" The sound of something heavy and hard sailing towards Roshi was suddenly heard. That, and also, unfortunately, the shattering of some glass.

"DAMN IT ALL, CHICHI!! YOU BROKE THE WINDOW!!"

"Well, how ELSE was I going to get that dirty old lech away from us?! I didn't see YOU doing anything!"

"Shut up!"

"YOU shut up!"

"No, YOU shut up!"

"YOU shut up!"

"Moooooom!!" Trunks wailed, now having to plug BOTH his ears and his nose. "This is the WORST vacation I've ever had, EVER!! Worse than the time we went to the Snail Farm!"

"It is for me, too, Trunks," Bulma replied, almost on the verge of sobbing. "It is for me too!"

And things over on the other side of the town were NOT much better...

***

"KAKA**-ROOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTT!!" **Vegeta roared, his rock hard fist collapsing the bed even more. "I am NOT watching Captain Planet!"

Goku smiled goofily. "Oh, come ON, Vegeta! Once you try it I guarantee you'll like it! It's all about protecting the environment!"

"Why the HELL should I be interested in THAT?! I used to DESTROY planets for a living, you stupid bastard!"

"Oh, come on!"

"No!"

"Please?"

"No!"

"Please?!"

"NO!"

"PLEASE?!"

"_NO_!"

"**PUH-LEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSE?????!!!!"**

"NO!!!! I'D RATHER HAVE SHARP, HARD STAKES DRIVEN REPEATEDLY INTO MY GROIN, KAKAROTT!"

Goku waved it off in frustration. "Oh, poo on you!! I'll just have to watch it by myself, then!" And then, much to Vegeta's chagrin, he reached for the remote and turned it to everyone's favorite cheap, horrid animation.

"_Kids, you know what it's time for?! It's time for...PLANET POWER!!"_

Anyone who knows anything about Vegeta's life will probably agree that he has probably had the worst luck of anyone he knows. 

"_Oh Captain Planet, PLEASE HURRY!! The dolphin---it's getting strangled in the soda rings!!_"

One would probably also agree that this instance was no exception to the rule.

"_Run! RUN!! Sprint!! SPRINT!! Hurry! HURRY!_!"

After all, he had slammed himself facedown on the bed, covered his ears with every blanket and pillow around, and he could STILL hear it. 

"_Here, Captain Planet! The scissors_!"

However...

However...

THAT was when, just like what had happened over at El Loco Rojo, the lights suddenly went out.

Yes, that's right. The power outage must have affected the entire city. Anyway, that meant bad news for the Saiyans (or at least for Goku, anyway). The lights went out, the heater stopped humming, and, best of all, the TV snapped off. All was now silent except for the dull roar of the blizzard's wind. 

An anguished cry could be heard from the heart of the darkness. "AAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Goku was quite devastated at not being able to finish his favorite show.

"Oh, quit your whining, Kakarott!" Vegeta snapped, the two sides of his brain clearly divided over which punishment was worse: _Captain Planet _or a power outage. 

"But I never got to SEE if Tinky got saved!"

"Who GIVES a crap, you stupid baka?! NOW SHUT YOUR HOLE OR I'LL DO IT FOR YOU!!"

There was a sigh. "Oh...I guess you're right. Guess I'll hafta watch the reruns. ...Well, I 'spose there's nothing to do but go to bed!" The sounds of Goku unsteadily getting up from the floor could be heard. "It's gotta be almost time to sleep anyway, right, Veggi-OOOOFFFFFF!!!" The unmistakable tinkle of blown glass could be heard as his head unceremoniously connected with the large, gaudy, stained-glass lamp that was standing in the corner. "Owwwwwwwww..."

Vegeta gritted his teeth in frustration, but said nothing as Goku proceeded to plop down onto the bed next to him. The fascinating yet disgusting scent of sweaty socks and smelly armpits permeated the air once more. 

(How the HELL can that baka smell so BAD?! He just BATHED this morning, for the love of Christ!)

"Hey, 'Geta?" Goku's voice, which seemed to have a dreamy tone, quietly floated out from the darkness.

"WHAT?!"

"This is so cool, lyin' here, just us guys, being able to talk about whatever we want. We NEVER get to do this most the time."

"Tch, and YOU wonder why we don't, Kakarott?!"

"I mean, look: we're the only two Saiyans left! We've got a lot in common. It's great that we got some time alone to just sit and -um- be friends!"

Vegeta rolled his eyes. "You can kiss the fattest part of my ass, Kakarott!"

"Really?"

Vegeta winced regretfully. "Um...perhaps not."

"Hey...lyin' in bed here and talking in the dark...this is just like camp, isn't it, Veggie!"

"Well, if this is ANYTHING like camp, Kakarott...then I don't like it!"

"Geez, angry tonight, huh? Guess you didn't like how your show turned out?"

"I hate you, Kakarott!"

"Goodnight to you too, Veggie!"

And that was the last thing said before the infamous pair finally drifted off to sleep.

Author Note: Uh...well...so how didja like it? I did what I wanted to do, but I didn't really like how I did it. Honestly, I think there's some kind of curse on me: my odd numbered chapters are the ones I like, but I always seem to dislike my even numbered ones. It's happened in some of my other fics, too! 

BTW: I just learned an interesting little tidbit: that Captain Planet is on Cartoon Network at 5:30 am. Why this glorious masterpiece of American animation is on during the least watched TV segment on both networks and cable is anyone's guess. Have fun!! 

Well...uh...thanks to everyone who reviewed last time!! Those wonderful reviews put a smile on my face and spurred me on to write more! Review again if you like! *Makes big brown puppy dog eyes* 


	7. Going Commando

Disclaimer: *Thinks for a moment* Nope! After about five minutes of intense internal debate and checking to see if my name is somewhere on the jackets of the DBZ DVDs, I have finally deduced that Dragonball Z is NOT mine!

Author's Note: I'll probably get lynched for saying this, but this STILL isn't the last chapter. I had every intention of completely finishing it at chapter seven, but my writer's block has finally decided to leave me and I wrote more than expected. I'm sorry, I wanted to finish it, but when the next part started to expand to a good six pages, I knew it was getting too long. It might look like it ends here, but it really doesn't. I've had the ending planned out for some time and some of the things that happened in Chapters Five and Six sorta play a role in it. Anyway, I really didn't want to daunt you with a huge last chapter, because sometimes I have trouble reading the long ones myself, so, again, I chopped it up. 

Here goes:

"Mom!"

...

"Mom!!"

...

"MOM!!" 

"Eeerghhh...what IS it, Trunks?!"

Startled into wakefulness by the sudden cries, Bulma's eyes snapped open only to find herself staring right at her son, who had an overjoyed grin pasted on his face. "Mom!! Look!!" he exclaimed excitedly, pointing out the broken window. "The snow's stopped!"

"Oh, just quit it already, Trunks!" she snapped irately, turning back over onto her side. "That ISN'T something to joke about!"

"No, but really! I'm not kidding!" he sputtered, continuing to point outside. "Come and look!"

"Oh, all right, ALL RIGHT!!" Rubbing her crusty, bleary eyes, she grudgingly heaved herself upwards and over the others (who were still sleeping) and padded over towards the window.

What she saw absolutely flabbergasted her. She found that Trunks had not been playing pranks and that the snow had indeed...stopped. The sun was shining brightly and the once roaring wind was now completely still. In fact, the snowplow was even rumbling along on the street below. And THAT also meant...

"Guys!! GUYS!!" Gohan suddenly rushed into the room excitedly, his hair sticking out in all directions and his expression like a kid's at Christmas. "I can feel their Ki! I CAN FEEL THEIR KI!!"

Bulma smiled at him radiantly. "Thank Dende...the nightmare's finally over!"

"I'll say..."

"Yeah," Trunks piped up, "Let's find Dad and leave already!"

Bulma, who was sure that by this time Vegeta would be feeling downright homicidal, decided to get underway immediately. "OK, you guys! Let's wake everyone up, get packed, dig out the car, and GET OUT OF HERE!!"

***

Gohan squinted down the street. "Yeeeeahhhhh....I think it's right- right- THERE!" He pointed at a smushed-looking brick structure at the end of the block. "I can't be too sure exactly where, 'cause their Ki isn't at their normal levels, but it's definitely them."

"Are you sure now?" Bulma, who was driving the car, questioned. 

"Yeah, I'm positive it's them! They must still be asleep or something!"

"All right, then!" Smiling triumphantly, she braked and pulled over into the parking lot of the building that Gohan had indicated. "Let's get cracking!"

"Bulma, do you have any idea what this place is called?" Chichi, who had been driving a second vehicle behind them, asked curiously once everyone had gotten out. "All it seems to say over there is...Inn!"

Bulma squinted. "Yeah, you're right..." She shook her head. "Weird... Place looks kind of run down, too."

Chichi blew it off. "Well, I don't really care!" she declared. "I don't care _where _they stayed as long as they're finally reunited with us!" Without a second thought she then slammed the door of the van and trudged off in the knee deep snow towards the motel.

Everyone else kind of stared at each other. "Well, I guess she's got the right idea," Krillen commented as he watched the strong-willed woman march off determinedly. "...C'mon, let's get going too!" 

As everyone started to leave themselves, Bulma lagged behind for a moment on the pretense of checking that she had removed the car keys. There was something present in the back of her mind...a feeling. A bad feeling. That something in that motel was terribly, terribly wrong. 

And do I even have to mention who she had a bad feeling about?

***

"Hey, how may I help you guys?" Redhead asked the Z fighters pleasantly when they had all reached the front desk.

"If y'all are looking for a room, then I'm sorry to say that we can't help you right now," Dreadlocks, who had just arrived from the back room, added. "None of our guests have checked out yet, and-"

"Oh, we're definitely not doing that," Bulma snorted, pushing her way up to the front of the group. "_We _want to get out of this hellhole of a city as quickly as possible! But we _were _wondering...have you seen a guy with tall hair wearing spandex around here lately?"

The two hotel workers, startled by the question, looked at each other and gulped visibly. "Um...really revealing spandex?" Redhead asked nervously, his eyes roving all over the various members of the group in front of him.

"Er---yes, I guess you could say that," Bulma replied, a little irked (and disturbed) at the teenager's observation. 

"Well...um...yes, he IS here, ma'am. Checked in with another guy about three or four days ago. Ummmmmmm..." He trailed off, an anxious note still hovering in his voice.

After about twenty seconds Bulma stamped her foot and rolled her eyes. "Well, take me TO them!" she barked. "I don't want to just STAND here all day!!"

Dreadlocks, despite his eagerness to get the hapless, warmongering duo as far away from him as possible, just absolutely had to draw the line there. "No way, lady!" he exclaimed, shaking his head. "What's up there isn't something that females should have to see!"

Bulma sighed in frustration. "Listen, I don't have TIME for this, kid! We need to get the hell home!" She paused and thought for a moment before adding furiously, "Well, if you're _not _going to help me, then I guess I'll just have to help myself! I'M going to head up there and find them, if I have to search every-"

Before she could move even another pace Dreadlocks had blocked her way up to the stairs. "No, no, ma'am, you don't want to go up there! I guarantee that you don't!"

"SHUT UP! MY HUSBAND'S UP THERE AND I WANT HIM RIGHT NOW!!!"

"You won't after going up THERE, lady! Trust me, you're better off leaving at this point." Having thought he had scored a point, Dreadlocks cleared his throat and nodded sagely. 

Bulma gritted her teeth. "I don't CARE!! I am going up those stairs and getting him NOW!!"

"NO!! You don't know what you're getting yourself into if you go up there!"

It was at this point that Chichi herself decided to intervene. And as we all well know, -well- Dreadlocks didn't even stand a chance against her. Her eyes absolutely aflame, she stomped over to the delinquent but well-meaning teen and yanked him roughly by the ear. "LISTEN, BUDDY!" she screeched right into it, "WE WANT OUR HUSBANDS _RIGHT NOW _AND WE ARE GOING TO _GET _THEM _RIGHT NOW_!! I DON'T CARE HOW WEIRD OR STUPID OR SMELLY THEY ARE, WE LOVE THEM ALL THE SAME AND THEY ARE COMING HOME WITH US!! AND NO SAUSAGE HAIRED, SNOT FACED, LITTLE _TURD _IS GONNA TAKE THEM AWAY FROM US!!" Releasing his ear with an especially painful twist, she then shoved him away and stood before him defiantly, her hands planted firmly on her hips.

Dreadlocks gulped. Things were NOT looking good. "Good Dende," he muttered to himself, staring nervously at the group angry, strong-looking people around him, "no _WONDER_ that short, angry one is as pissed off as he is! He's learning it from _THEM!!"_

Bulma spat, "Care to say that a little louder?"

"Um, no! No!" Dreadlocks replied in an unusually high voice. "No thanks! Uh, I'll take you to them now! Come on, all of you! I'll take you to see them!" His limbs trembling visibly, he produced the keys from his pocket and started to ascend the stairs, not forgetting to mouth down to his companion at the desk, "They must be bisexual, Freddie!"

***

Everyone crowded outside of the Honeymoon Suite expectantly, waiting in complete silence as Dreadlocks fumbled with the skeleton key and slowly proceeded with unlocking the door. "There you go," he said quietly, upon hearing the telltale click, "But don't say I didn't warn you!" With that he turned to go downstairs.

And the door quietly swung open...

The first thing that one could see or hear upon entering the room was the sound of the relaxing yet annoying Muzak that was emanating from the still-on TV, of which on the screen blared the permanent still that read as, CURRENTLY OFF THE AIR UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. Another thing that everyone noticed as they quietly filed into the room was that the whole place entirely reeked and reminded them of both Goku and Vegeta. Towels were strewn everywhere...Vegeta's boots were precariously thrown on top of an emaciated-looking chair in the corner...a large hole in the wall was also to be seen, suggesting that someone had ripped some sort of electrical appliance right from it...Goku's underwear was hanging limply from one of the TV's antennas...

And, both lying in the middle of a bed collapsed right in half, a thin ray of fragile sunlight illuminating them, lay the two Saiyans in the flesh, both snoring uproariously, drool hanging from their mouths. Vegeta was lying on top of Goku, his head nuzzled affectionately into the crook of the other Saiyan's neck and his hands lying gently atop his shoulders. Goku, on the other hand, lay relaxedly on his back, his strong, strong arms outstretched and his hands firmly clamped on Vegeta's -how can we put this nicely- very tight-looking behind.

Everyone was absolutely shocked. Of all the THINGS they had expected to see when Dreadlocks had anxiously warned them---THIS was not one of them. Bitching, yelling, complaining, THAT was what they had expected, but not, not- THIS.

There was a complete silence for a short time, but finally Bulma gathered herself together and spoke up. "Trunks," she ordered firmly, "Go wake up your father."

Trunks shook his head almost desperately. "No way!" he exclaimed. "Once Dad finds out he's hugging Uncle Goku, he'll flip out!"

"Goten?"

"No! NO!" the younger boy replied, almost driven to tears. "He's scary when he gets mad!"

"Krillen?"

"I'm not doing it! The minute Vegeta wakes up is the minute he'll blow up everything immediately surrounding him!"

"18?"

"That would be like signing my death warrant, Bulma!"

"Gohan?"

"No way, man! I'm keeping my distance!"

"Roshi?"

"Heehee! All this action, all this groping, it's TURNING - ME - ON, fellas!"

"Euuuuuwwwww!!! ...Um, Yamcha?"

"The only thing that Vegeta hates more than groping Goku is me, Bulma! I am NOT gonna get thrown up on the roof again!"

"Chichi!"

Her friend made a face. "This is- this is- just GROSS, Bulma. I can't, I can't - do it!"

Bulma sighed in exasperation. "Well, I'm not doing it! So now I guess nobody will!" She sighed again. "This is even worse than the time I went to Namek..." She hung her head sadly.

However, that was when- that was when...something happened. That was when Vegeta stirred. Turning his head slightly and his eyes opening about halfway, he blinked sleepily for a moment before uttering in a deadpan voice, "Kakarott, get your hands off my ass."

Goku, stirring a little, took a moment before replying sleepily, "Oh, so THAT'S what I'm squeezing! I'm so sorry, Veggie, I- AAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!" Suddenly he woke up fully and realized just exactly what he was doing and started to scream. Vegeta, now fully awake as well, began to shriek himself, and again, like the other morning, they both jumped out of bed and began to hop around like a couple of hyperactive drugged out llamas. 

"KAKAROTT, HOW COULD YOU _DO _THAT??!!"

"I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M REALLY SORRY! THIS IS STARTING TO GET REALLY WEIRD, THIS IS-"

"APOLOGIES JUST DON'T _CUT _IT ANYMORE, KAKAROTT!! EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP ONLY TO FIND MYSELF BEING GROPED IN PLACES I DIDN'T THINK I EVEN HAD!! HOW CAN YOU EXPLAIN _THAT, _YOU STUPID BASTARD?! HOW _CAN _YOU?!"

"I CAN'T, VEGETA!! I CAN'T!! I'M SORRY!!"

The two stared at each other, breathing heavily, for what seemed like an eternity, a thick, tension-filled silence enveloping the room. Finally Vegeta declared in a subdued but no less menacing voice, "Kakarott, I'm taking a shower!" He shuddered involuntarily at just the mere estimate of how long he had been in Kakarott's sweaty arms.

Goku had to think about this for a moment. "Um, can I hop in with you?" he asked brightly, as if he had proceeded to immediately forget what had just occurred not two seconds ago.

Vegeta gave off a feral, animal-like growl. "NO!!"

"Oh, come on, Veggie! If we work together as a team, then we'll save water!"

"NO!!!!"

"Well, why not?"

"Listen, Kakarott," Vegeta said in a low but extremely dangerous tone, "I am absolutely NOT interested in seeing you naked for about the thousandth time since we arrived in this shithole! It's like a goddamn nudist colony in here! I've seen your entire body in frightening detail more in three days than I've ever looked at my own! Have you no shame, you baka?! So NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" He absolutely roared that last sentence. 

Goku cracked a goofy smile. "Oh, come on, Veggie! It's not THAT bad! Unless-" -he tapped his chin with his pointer finger for a moment- "-unless you're EMBARRASSED, that is!"

"I AM NOT EMBARRASSED, YOU MORON!! I JUST DO _NOT _WANT TO SHOWER WITH YOU, KAKAROTT!"

Goku chuckled. "I knew it! I KNEW IT!! You're embarrassed!" He stuck his head almost nose-to-nose with Vegeta. "So what's wrong then, Veggie? Have a funky scar somewhere? Or is something really really sma-"

"**_KAKAROTT, I'M WARNING YOU!_**"

"Better not make it a cold shower, then, huh, Veggie, otherwise you won't be able to see i---"

Before Vegeta could respond to this absolutely appalling insult, someone cleared their throat loudly behind them. Both Saiyans jumped about a mile, Goku letting out a high-pitched shriek. They both whirled around...and...

There stood an angry-looking Chichi, hands firmly on hips...and completely flanked by everyone else who had tagged along on the damnable vacation. Goku gasped in fear and Vegeta's jaw scraped the floor in shock. 

A tense, foreboding silence enveloped the room. 

Finally...

"SO **_THIS _**IS WHAT YOU TWO HAVE BEEN UP TO!!" Chichi exploded, rounding in on the two angrily. "LYING AROUND IN HERE AND TALKING DIRTY WHILE WE SAT CRAMMED IN A CRAPPY LITTLE HOTEL ROOM WORRYING OUR ASSES OFF ABOUT YOU!! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!! **ABSOLUTELY ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!! **HOW **DARE **YOU OPEN THOSE POTTY MOUTHS OF YOURS IN THE PRESENCE OF OUR CHILDREN!!"

Goku looked positively fearful. "Chichi, I'm s- sorry!" he stuttered, literally shaking in his shoes (had he had any on). "I d-didn't know you were there! I didn't know that ANYONE was here!"

This did not improve things. "THAT'S NO EXCUSE, GOKU!! THAT ISN'T ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR NO MATTER **_WHERE _**YOU ARE!! I'M DISAPPOINTED IN YOU!! **VERY **DISAPPOINTED!!" She stood there shaking for a moment, too enraged to talk. "**_UUUURGHHHHHH!!! THAT'S IT!!! FOR ABOUT THE NEXT FIVE YEARS, YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE NO- NO - NO-" _**She jabbed her finger in the air decisively, knowing full well that she didn't even have to finish her sentence in order for Goku to get the message. 

Goku's face exponentially fell with each jab. "But Chichi! I- I- what did I DO that was THAT bad?!"

"You know it and I know it! Now get your underwear on and let's drive home!"

Bulma, meanwhile, was taking advantage of the moment herself and was chewing out Vegeta, who had hitherto tried to stay out of the line of fire. "AND DON'T YOU THINK THAT **YOU'RE **NOT GONNA BE PUNISHED WHEN **YOU **GET HOME, BUDDY!" she shrieked, poking a sharp fingernail into her husband's rock-hard chest. 

Vegeta scowled. "Do your worst, woman! No one punishes the Prince of all Saiya-"

"PRINCE OF ALL SAIYANS, HUH?! PRINCE OF ALL JACKASSES IS MORE LIKE IT! NOW WIPE THAT STUPID SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE AND FIND MY HANDBAGS SO WE CAN GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!"

Surprisingly enough, Vegeta's smirk DID disappear instantly at that comment. "_What _handbags, woman?!" he asked almost nervously.

"THE HANDBAGS THAT I SENT YOU TO GET IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU DIPSTICK!!"

"Oh, those?" he replied irately, "I bribed the hotel manager with those hideous things!"

"YOU **WHAAAAAAAT?????!!!!!!!!**" 

Before Bulma could even begin to think about unsuccessfully pummeling Vegeta into oblivion, Chichi, who had been listening in on their exchange, jumped in with a question of her own. "And where are little Gohan's schoolbooks, Goku?" she asked suspiciously, sure that he had done _something _stupid with them.

And she was right.

Goku, already bewildered at Chichi's tirade, screwed his face together into a frustrated frown. "I-I'm sorry! I used them as - as toilet paper!"

A hushed silence fell throughout the room. Everyone in the room locked their eyes on both Goku and Chichi, Goku still having the guilty bed-wetting child look on his face and Chichi completely frozen in rage. 

Silence...

Silence...

Silence...

And then finally...

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!! The collapsed bed, thought to have been well smashed in by Vegeta a few nights previous, suddenly started to vibrate violently again. 

This alleviated the tension immediately. Chichi began to laugh. Krillen began to laugh. Goten began to laugh. Even Goku started to chuckle hopelessly. Everyone in the room laughed; well, except for Vegeta, that is, but he never usually laughed unless he was beating the crap out of someone. 

Everyone then promptly began with the inane babble.

"Wow, guys! That was one crappy vacation, huh?"

"You're telling me! Man, I thought I was gonna go insane in that little room!"

"I will never EVER take home for granted ever ever again!"

"Hey Trunks, wasn't it COOL when we blew up the toilet?!"

"Oh, yeah! And guess what! My house has twenty-three bathrooms! We can try it AGAIN!!"

"Don't even _think _about it, boys!"

"My porn! All gone!" *sniff*

"Soooo...anything big happen up here with you two?" Krillen asked Goku curiously, looking around bewildered at the desecrated room, which was looking even more seedy and cheap than it had before the two Saiyans had graced it with their presences. 

Goku chewed on his finger lightly. "Well...um...not too much...Just that Vegeta wouldn't let me watch ANYTHING at all without screaming at me!! Man, I couldn't even watch a decent movie without him ripping the VCR right out of the wall!"

Vegeta gritted his teeth but said nothing.

Bulma was rather amused at this. "So, uh, what ELSE did he do, Goku?" she asked slyly, walking up to him. "I'm quite curious to know what my husband's been up to for the past few days!" Vegeta emitted a warning growl, but she carelessly waved him off and waiting for Goku's reply.

Goku had to think about this for a minute. "We-ell, I dunno," he replied, his finger jammed deeply up his nose in quiet contemplation, "...Nothing really, it's just that he was so darn cranky the entire time!"

This caused both Bulma and Trunks to laugh quite loudly (and also for the right side of Vegeta's face to twitch in a violent manner). Everyone else then chanced a look at look at him to see if he had gone homicidal yet and then began to guffaw themselves. 

"SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!!" Vegeta roared, his face turning a mottled purple. "NONE OF YOU EVEN BEGIN TO KNOW WHAT I JUST WENT THROUGH IN THIS BLASTED ROOM!! **NONE OF YOU**!!"

Bulma giggled, "You looked so adorable, snuggled up against Goku like that! Who woulda thought-"

"I AM NOT ADORABLE, WOMAN!!"

"You had such a cute little smile on your face when he was grabbing your a-"

"I WAS NOT SMILING, WOMAN!!" Vegeta positively screamed, large wads of spit flying out of his mouth in every direction.

Everyone roared with laughter.

"YOU'RE MORONS!! ALL OF YOU!! I AM THE PRINCE OF THE SAIYANS!! YOU SHOULD ALL BE BOWING DOWN AT MY FEET!!"

More laughter.

"Ve-geeeee-ta-" Bulma gasped, barely able to talk, "so I take it you had fun spending some quality time with your-" *wink wink* "-best friend?!"

"**RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!**"

More laughter. 

"So does this mean that you're from- should we say- the _queer _side of the river, Vegeta?" Krillen giggled, thinking himself incredibly witty. 

More laughter.

"**RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!**"

"Yeah, Vegeta!" Yamcha said pointedly, feeling safe since he was in the middle of the group. "Looks like you had a-" *wink wink* "-_gay _old time in here!"

More laughter.

"**RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!**" At this point Vegeta looked ready to explode.

"Geez, Vegeta!" Bulma exclaimed sternly, still wiping the tears from her eyes. "We're just kidding!! KIDDING!!" But then she got a bewildered expression on her face... "Although I bet at some point you and Frieza DID--"

"**_WOMAN, IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP I'LL-_**"

Bulma rolled her eyes. "Oh, you're no fun! Come on, let's get in the car and go! It's a six hour drive to the airport, anyway..."

"Come on, Goku, you too!" Chichi called to her husband sternly. "Get your underwear on! We leave NOW!!"

Goku became upset. "Awwwww, Chichi! But WHY?! I can just go commando, can't I?!"

"NO!!"

"Geez...." Shaking his head at the stubbornness of all women, Goku scooped up his underwear and headed for the bathroom.

Bulma, meanwhile, had grabbed Vegeta by the arm and was dragging him out of the room. Just as they rounded the corner, though, Vegeta stuck his head back in and mouthed at Yamcha furiously, "You are dead, you pathetic weakling! DEAD!!"

Bulma just gave an extra tug and continued to haul him away. She allowed herself a crafty smirk, proud of her recent accomplishments. Why punish her arrogant Prince the normal way when deflating his oversized ego worked just as well?

Author's Note: This still isn't the end! Don't stop reading now! As I said, there's still a loose end I have to tie up, and it involves Bulma and Vegeta (awww, I think this fic is really deep down a B/V!). And there's also the car ride home, in which I will make Vegeta as miserable as possible. Anyway, I've got almost 2000 words so far for Chapter Eight, and that's only about half, so expect that the next chapter up (in hopefully a week or two) will be about the same size. 

I also thank everyone for their support, especially for the last chapter. I never thought I'd get so many reviews for my little fic! I was very pleasantly surprised. 

Here are some shout-outs for the last chapter, since I've been wanting to do some for some time but just didn't have the brain cells to do it:

Blue-Flame12: Uhhhhh...I was actually thinking about doing another fic with a similar premise before you suggested it. How does the two of them getting stuck on a senior citizens' cruise sound to ya? Just think...Viagra...Super Poly Grip...Senior Aerobics Day...prunes...the possibilities are endless!

Rissa of the Saiya-Jin: Yes, unfortunately, the crap DOES exist. Luckily I've never been forced to watch it beyond the age of seven. Run away from it. Far, far away.

Youkai-Onna: I reviewed your fic! Your Lupin one, that is. Just lettin' ya know!

Bishonen Krazed Girl: I don't think I've EVER laughed as hard as I did when I read the suggested hentai DBZ quotes on your bio. I actually remember hearing some of those and thinking the same thing! Leave it to Funimation...they censor all the nummy parts and completely change the dialogue...only to make it gayer and even more suggestive. If they have to censor it at all, can't they even do it right?! Kudos to you for posting all of those in one place! 

Luna Inverse: Yeah, I've heard a lot of good things about that show! Think I'll watch it when I have the time...right now I've been struggling just to see those last DBZ episodes!   


Chuquita: I'm really glad that you've enjoyed my fic from the very first chapter! Thank you! And yeah...poor Veggie *sniff*...And as for how often he gets some, well, that would explain his extreme crankiness over the course of the entire series. 

Leigh: Baka is the Japanese word for 'idiot' or 'fool'. It's a fairly common word in DBZ fics. 

Also thanks to Insane Kitten, Lili, Itaihoshi, sakura117us, and Rice Princess! (I didn't miss anybody, did I?) 

Anyway, I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as I can! Hopefully my muse'll stay with me and I won't get stuck. 

Please review! :)


	8. Hell on Wheels

Disclaimer: Sorry, don't own DBZ. Hell, I can't even be marked responsible for spawning the horror that is GT. *shudder* 

Author's Note: *sniff* *sniff* *sob* *sob* Yes, today's the day. Today is the day that I post the ending to this quirky little fic. *Begins to all-out bawl* I would like to say to everyone that I really enjoyed writing it, and, judging by my reviews, a lot of you enjoyed reading it. I hope that you enjoy the ending, even though it's quite different than the previous seven chapters (but hey, different can be good, right?).

Oh yeah...and I'd better mention something before I go on: don't get me wrong, I LOVE Gohan and Goten. I think Gohan is cute (damn you, Videl!) and that Goten is an absolutely adorable little guy. If I come across as making fun of them, then it's just in jest and I really don't mean it.

Here it is:

Everyone stampeded towards the Briefs' car and the Sons' van, desperately wanting to get out of the subzero cold and onto the interstate towards home. As Bulma reached into her coat pocket to unlock the car, she smiled sweetly at her son. "Trunks, you can sit up here with Mommy today!" She then turned to Vegeta. "You! In the backseat!" she ordered him sharply.

Vegeta's face contorted in agony. "But whyyyyyyyy?"

"Because I said so!" Bulma spat, climbing into the driver's side. "Now get in or stay here!"

Grumbling some colorful obscenities to himself, Vegeta proceeded to smash an ice chunk about three feet into the ground with his foot but ended up getting into the backseat anyway, trying to force himself to think about the bright side of matters. He'd get some sleep for about the first time in a year, for one thing...

But that was just not so...

"Hey, Bulma!" Chichi exclaimed, running up to the car just as she was going to back out of the parking lot. "BULMA!"

"Huh? What's going on?" Bulma rolled down the window and looked at the other woman curiously. 

Chichi's eyes darted from side to side. "Um, I really _hate _to ask you this, but...do you think you could take a couple more passengers?"

"Hey, they don't call this the wide BMW for nothing!" Bulma winked. "So how many do you want me to take?"

"Three, if you can."

"Sure, that's fine with me! I have plenty of room!"

Chichi smiled in relief. "Thanks, Bulma! I know I've got a beast of a van and all, but I just can't take the noise today." She turned back towards it and bellowed, "Boys! Come on, you're all riding with Bulma!"

Vegeta was all at once aware of the door of the BMW being yanked open and himself grunting in pain as he was suddenly bowled over by something that had the inertia of a cannonball. "Hey, everybody!" it exclaimed. "I get to ride home with YOU guys today!"

"KAKAROTT!!" Vegeta roared. "GET **_OFF _**OF ME!!"

Trunks' eyes absolutely lit up as he craned his head in the direction of the back seat. "Uncle Goku!"

Goku laughed. "Oh, hey, Trunks!! Haven't seen you for a few days! Nope, I was too busy catching up on old times with your dad-"

"**KAKAROOOOOOTT! GET _OFF _OF ME!!!"**

Goku unsuccessfully tried to get a peek at Vegeta's face, which was currently getting squashed by his orange, gi-clad behind. "Oh -uh- sorry, Veggie!" he giggled, climbing off. "Didn't see you there!"

"Dad, will you PLEASE budge up a little bit?" There was a tapping on the window and Gohan's round face hovered into view. "We all need to fit in here, you know!"

"Yeah!" Goten's spiky head popped up against the opposite window. "Move it, Dad! You can't take up ALL the room!"

Chichi momentarily glared at them all but then turned to smile at Bulma. "I'm really REALLY sorry to inconvenience you like this, but I just can't _stand _them today! They're all chock full of sugar and caffeine, and not only that, I'm still ready to strangle Goku! Sorry to dump them on you, but-"

Bulma waved it off. "No problem, Chichi! I think it's a little too quiet in here anyway!" She added with a whisper, "Vegeta's being sulky!"

As both doors opened on either side of him and Goten and Gohan squashed their way into the wide-but-not-too-wide backseat, Vegeta cursed his luck. Now there was not only Kakarott around to torment him the whole six hours home, but his two retarded sons as well. THREE of them... If there indeed was an HFIL, he wished he was there right now. 

Trunks turned around and stuck his tongue out at him. "Having fun, Dad?" he teased mockingly, his mouth curved upwards into that ever-so-familiar left-sided smirk he had inherited.

Vegeta growled, "Turn around and shut up, boy, or you're coming back here with us!"

"Try and make me!"

Bulma gritted her teeth as she pulled the car into reverse. "Will you two shut UP already?! I do NOT want to hear this the entire way home!"

"Well, if you would just let me sit up front with YOU, woman!" Vegeta spat, trying to knock one of Goku's sweaty elbows out of his ribs. 

"NO!! I'm still mad at you!"

"The hell WHY?! I didn't DO anything, woman!"

"You sure as hell DID, buddy!"

Vegeta adopted a more pleading tone. "Woman, can't I just fly home? PLEASE?!" His Saiyan Pride was shattered into pieces as he uttered the magic word, but...well... desperate times called for desperate measures. 

"NO, YOU WILL _NOT!_" Bulma shrieked over her shoulder. "WE CAME HERE TO SPEND TIME AS A FAMILY, AND AS KAMI AS MY WITNESS WE ARE GOING TO AT LEAST SPEND THESE LAST SIX HOURS IN THIS GODDAMN CAR TOGETHER!! NOW SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND ENJOY OUR FAMILY TIME!"

"Well, at least let me drive then, wench!" The whining undertone was now growing more and more apparent. 

"DON'T WENCH ME, YOU BIG BABY! I STILL REMEMBER WHAT YOU DID LAST TIME I LET YOU DRIVE ME SOMEWHERE!"  


Vegeta scowled at the mere thought of it. The time in question had been the time his family and the Sons, in separate cars, both drove to Satan City for a get together or something or other. Bulma, who was up to her throat in allergy medication at the time and not quite in her right mind, allowed Vegeta to drive for a stretch, thinking that there was no way that he could possibly screw this up. However...it was then that Kakarott began to taunt him from the other lane and he decided to one-up the moron in a race. The steering wheel ended up being broken off when Vegeta, in a fit of rage, couldn't handle the fact that his braindead rival had cut him off in front of a stoplight. ...Needless to say, Vegeta HAD been sleeping on that rug in the basement for about the next month. 

Complete and utter quiet then commenced inside the car...for about two minutes. After these one hundred and twenty seconds had passed, Goten, having inherited the family attention span, began to whine. "Dad, I'm boooooooooooooored!" 

Goku, who had been rather occupied with picking his nose, leaned over across Vegeta to address his son. "I know exactly what you mean, Goten! What we need is a- what we need is a-" -he scratched his head hard as he fumbled for the exact word- "-what we need is a game!"

Vegeta was all for protesting this, but at the moment he was currently choking under Goku's outstretched underarm. He just watched in horror as Goten nodded his head happily in agreement. "Great idea, Dad! You're always the smart one!" 

Goku finally leaned back and smiled at everyone. "OK then, guys! What kinda game should we play?"

"Tic Tac Toe!"

"Dots!"

"TWISTER!!"

"How about NOTHING, you freaking imbeciles?!" That last suggestion had been put forth by, of course, Vegeta, who really did not relish the thought of being entangled with Kakarott (and his sons) in suggestive ways during a game of Twister, and in the cramped backseat of a BMW no less.

Goku just smiled and patted his fellow Saiyan's shoulder. "Aw, come on, Veggie! You're no fun! Live a little, why don'tcha?"

"If it means living with you, Kakarott, then I'd rather just commit suicide," Vegeta retorted, crossing his arms over his chest.

"OH!! I know!!" Gohan suddenly broke in. "How 'bout Hangman?!"

"Nah, I can't spell!"

"BUUUU-UUUUULMA!! I'm hungry! Can we stop at a gas station somewhere?"

"Yeah, and then leave me there!" Vegeta remembered to add.

Bulma turned around and gritted her teeth. "NO AND _NO!! _We have a flight to catch! That is, unless you're interested in driving for another seven hours!"

"Cool!"

"We'd spend a lot of quality father-son time, huh, Dad?"

"Oh, yeah! We NEVER get to do that, do we, boys? HEY BULMA! HOW ABOUT YOU STOP ANYWAY?! WE REALLY DON'T MIND!!"

Luckily, Bulma was too peeved to answer and Vegeta was spared about five hours of hell. However, this soon readily gave birth to something much, much worse...

"Oh well, boys! Let's just make do with the time we have, then! ...How 'bout we sing a song?"

"YEAH! And let's do 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall!"

"How 'bout we go from 1000 instead!"

"Great idea, Gohan! And let's start...NOW!"

As the horrible, off-key singing that resembled a hundred in-heat cats tangled in a hundred lawnmowers commenced, Vegeta buried his head in his hands and prayed to the fates that no one in the car besides him knew how to count. It was all he could do, indeed the ONLY thing he could do, to keep his sanity intact.

Somewhere...somewhere deep in the bowels of HFIL where only the evilest entities lurked...somewhere down there Frieza was laughing his ass off at him. He could sense that much.

***

Two long hours of driving had subdued the three hyperactive Saiyans somewhat (they had grown tired at about nine hundred forty), but Vegeta still wasn't taking chances. Still smushed between a very sweaty Goku and a very uncleanly Goten (Vegeta had sworn he had seen him snort the contents of his nose onto his sleeve), he had now taken to keeping his eyes shut and his arms glued to his sides (both being sore from having been the victims of several "Slug Bugs"), absolutely at all costs trying not to attract attention. Four days of Kakarott within a tiny, confined space had indeed taken their toll; he just had no fight left in him.

The car bumped and jolted hard against the poorly-maintenanced highway, but he tried to tune out everything and be at one with his thoughts. They weren't very nice thoughts, but what exactly was he going to DO for the next eight hours anyway?! 

__

(Screw this! Screw this all! If Bulma ever EVER forces me into this goddamn car EVER again, I'll- I'll-)

(Oh hell, I'll just lose against her anyway! What am the hell am I thinking?!)

(AAAARGH!! Beaten by Kakarott AGAIN!! And with the one brain cell that he actually has!)

(Beaten by Kakarott every time! EVERY FRICKIN' TIME!! That's like getting beaten every time by the retarded kid with the unibrow! Why can't I beat the crap out of him once?! JUST ONCE!!)

(DAMMIT!! The boy's making faces at me again! If I could just get ahold of him, 

I'd-)

"Hey, Veggie!" Goku shouted happily, shoving his finger right under the Saiyan Prince's nose. "Get a load of THIS!!"

Obviously, Vegeta did NOT "get a load of" the large ball of earwax that was smeared on Goku's finger, but he was not in a position to tell him so, as Bulma had earlier threatened to seat him next to the Sons on the flight home if he didn't quit his bellowing. Therefore he had to tightly control the primal, animalish scream that was threatening to erupt from his already hoarse larynx as the conversation around him suddenly (but not surprisingly) turned to Goku's bodily secretions. 

"Wow, Dad! That is so-that is so---COOL!"

"I wish _I _could dig one out as big as that!"

"Heh-heh, you should auction that thing off on E-Bay!"

Vegeta was now, at this point, wishing that he had somehow died in a fiery explosion back in the space pod with Nappa. Two hours -just TWO hours!- of being stuck in the back of a BMW with these idiots was already enough to permanently reduce his IQ, and for the first time in his life he actually sympathized with Chichi. SHE had to go through this every day of her life. It was even a wonder that she wasn't gibbering insanely in some padded room in a mental hospital by now. Between this whole thing and the fact that Trunks was making faces at him from up front and he couldn't do a thing about it, he would be surprised if he didn't end up there himself.

As the car slowly lurched along the highway, he caught sight of a large green sign up ahead. When they got close enough he strained his Saiyajin eyesight and mentally cursed himself as he read what was on it: "Arctic North International Airport: next 200 miles."

Vegeta gritted his teeth as Kakarott and his younger brat proceeded to play a game of Bloody Knuckles...in his lap. Why the HELL couldn't he have blown up the earth when he had the chance?!

***

__

~Four days and some intense mental therapy later~

Late afternoon sunshine filtered in through the sleek, ultramodern windows of Capsule Corp, which today was strangely quiet even considering the time of day. Not a thing stirred anywhere in the entire compound, and even the Gravity Room had ceased its usual hum about fifteen minutes previous. The only sign of life that could indeed be seen or heard anywhere in the area was the steady sound of echoing footsteps hurrying down the Western Corridor on the second level...

Chest still heaving with exertion from his rigorous workout, Vegeta allowed himself a smirk as he mentally praised his own craftiness. "Heh-heh, no one...not ANYONE...will EVER have to know..."

The boy he had somehow gotten rid of by giving him permission to go over to Kakarott's brat's house for the day. Bulma was at an all-day meeting, which wasn't unusual for her, and Dr. Briefs had earlier rushed to the vet, as his cat seemed to have an extreme case of hairballs. He really had no idea where Mrs. Briefs was and he really didn't care either, as long as she wasn't hovering around and trying to pinch his behind. Yes, he was all alone here right now, the only person in the entire 800 square foot complex. Good...

With a towel wrapped around his sweaty shoulders and a huge bowl of popcorn tucked under one arm, he quietly entered the den, which housed a comfy leather sofa and a gigantic plasma screen TV. He chuckled evilly at the sight of it. "Perfect..."

With a huge grin on his face, he then grabbed the remote and changed the channel to number 0210, otherwise known as the Soap Channel. It had been five excruciating days since he had caught his last fix of _Throbbing Passion _(and with Kakarott in the room, no less); too many confounded people had been hanging around the past few days for him to watch here. Confounded people that might take an interest in what he was doing. Freaking nosy bastards, anyway... It was THEIR fault that he was sitting in here munching popcorn and desperately trying to figure out if there had been any major changes in the plotline since he had last tuned in. 

__

"Anita!! ANITA!! It's Antonio!! I think he's-"

"NO!! Oh my God!"

"Yes."

"...But - but HOW?!"

"Tylenol Gel-Caps."

"What does this all mean, Lupe? What does it all MEAN?!"

"I'm not sure, but-"

"First Raul, then my Fernando, and NOW ANTONIO!! Will I EVER find someone to warm my bed, to share my bliss and grief, to be my pillar of support?! IS MY LIFE FOREVER CURSED?!" *SOB* *SOB* *SOB*

Vegeta, who in his own twisted way was actually rooting for the person who had been poisoning all the Tylenol, smirked dementedly as he chowed down on another handful of popcorn. This could never, EVER be said for most other aspects of his life, but right now at this moment he was perfectly content. Nothing, not ANYTHING could ruin his sense of nirvana right now, nothing at all, not even Kakarott himself...

And then the door opened. 

Almost choking on his popcorn in shock, Vegeta immediately slammed his finger onto the channel button on the remote, praying to the gods that the intruder had not seen what he was watching. In times like these he always had a backup plan (i.e: making sure he had his finger poised on the remote at all times), but some people were just too quick. Barely had he done this when a feminine voice called out from the doorway, "Well, well, well, what do we have HERE?!"

Vegeta almost breathed a sigh of relief. It was just Bulma...yes, just Bulma. Bulma and not somebody else. Not a certain retarded moron whose only purpose in life was to make his miserable. He had just been overreacting. Wait...BULMA?! Vegeta nearly panicked. "Woman! It- it's you!" he sputtered, trying to make himself sound credible (and failing). "It's not what you think! I- I was just watching it while the commercials were on! It's really not what you think! Woman!"

The very bare beginnings of a smirk began to form on Bulma's face as she slowly walked into the room. "Really?" she replied snidely, stopping right in front of Vegeta (and also managing to block his view of the television at the same time). "So what you're meaning to say is that you came all the way in here to-" -at this she turned and jerked her thumb in the direction of the TV- "watch _this_!"

Leaning over to one side to see what see what the hell she was talking about, Vegeta paled considerably when he noticed that her thumb was pointing in the direction of two Teletubbies that were dancing in a green meadow, holding hands and singing a song about love. He had forgotten that Channel 0209 was in reality PBS. _Shit. _

"I was NOT watching this rubbish, woman!" he snarled, giving her the same glare that had petrified countless people on planets he had purged. 

She was not fazed. "Well, it certainly seems like you are right now!" she replied calmly, the smirk growing ever wider. 

"Was NOT!"

"Was TOO!"

"OH, ALL RIGHT, WOMAN!!" Vegeta caved, starting to become worried that he was missing some action in _Throbbing Passions. _"I WAS WATCHING-" -he then turned it back to the Soap Channel- "-THIS!!"

Bulma merely smiled at this revelation, as if she had known it all along. "...I see. You like this show, don't you?"

Vegeta ignored her question. "What are _you _doing home, anyway?" he snorted, noticing that she didn't even have her business suit on, only a pale silk robe. "I thought you had some fool meeting to go to all day!"

Bulma shook her head, the smirk growing even bigger. "Oh no, I didn't say that to you, did I? No, I've been home all day, actually...getting ready."

"For _what_?" Vegeta asked pointedly, rolling his eyes. Come to think of it, it DID look like she was planning on going somewhere or something. There seemed to be an abnormal amount of goop on her face, and her well-groomed cerulean hair tumbled down past her shoulders. Odd...

"Oh, _you'll _see," was the only reply he got.

"Wait a minute, woman," Vegeta said with suspicion, narrowing his eyes down into little slits. "...You're not making me come along for whatever rubbish you're planning on going to, are you?!"

"Oh, but you are, Vegeta. You're _definitely _coming along...for the ride." She tossed her head. "But you're still ignoring my question. You DO like this show, don't you?"

"If I say yes, will you leave me the hell alone?!'

"_Maybe_..."

"YES, THEN!! I LIKE THIS GODDAMN SHOW!! IN FACT, I LOVE IT! NOW WILL YOU MOVE OUT OF THE WAY SO I CAN AT LEAST SEE THE FRICKIN' ENDING?! YOU'RE BLOCKING MY VIEW!"

Bulma just smiled at him.

"PLEASE?!"

"That's much better," Bulma commented as she slowly moved away and decided to relocate in a much better place...in Vegeta's lap.

Needless to say, Vegeta was NOT happy about this. Not only did her hair get in his face and restricted his view of the television, but she was giving off this creepy smile as well. He wasn't sure what, but _something _seemed to be going on. For the first time in his life, he wished he had a mental link like Kakarott's brat and that freaky looking Namek did. 

"Would you GET OFF me, woman?!" he finally spat after a lock of her hair finally decided to lodge itself up his nose. "I'm NOT freaking Santa Claus here!"

"Really?" she said absentmindedly as her hand suddenly flew up to stroke the tips of his hair. "I was always under the impression that you-" -her hand went back down to tweak his upturned nose- "delivered."

"WOMAN!!" Vegeta shrieked, reaching up to rub his nose. "If you didn't notice before, then I will tell you _right now, _I - AM - TRYING - TO - WATCH - THIS!!"

"Oh, I can see that quite clearly," she replied nimbly, resuming with playing with his hair. "Tell me---do you watch this for a turn on?"

"What do YOU care?!"

"Oh, but I do."

"Well, DON'T!!"

"Why?"

"Listen," he growled, "can we save this less than intelligent conversation until AFTER the commercials are on?! I think I've had more intellectual talks with KAKAROTT!"

Bulma pretended to look hurt. "So you want me to stop talking?"

"Yes!"

"We-ell, all right then," was all she said before seizing him and kissing him hard on the lips. 

Vegeta was absolutely shocked as she proceeded to open his mouth and mingle his tongue with hers. He had actually been expecting her to sit and annoy him for the rest of the show, but...this?! And- and what was that she said about a ride earlier? Hey, perhaps she meant-

"You are SO clueless sometimes, Vegeta," she chided him as soon as they parted. "I've been trying to do this for the entire time I've been in the room and all you want to do is watch that damn show. For somebody who begs for it every night, you sure seem to-"

"WOMAN!!"

"Well, it's true!" she insisted, lightly circling his chest with one finger. "You always come to bed with that pleading look on your face, and-"

"WOMAN!!"

Bulma rolled her eyes. "Geez...well, anyway...I'm sorry I've been so busy lately. First all that work, and then there was the trip---I've- I've missed our alone time together," she whispered into his ear seductively. "And I'm sure _you _agree!"

Vegeta didn't really know what to say. "Woman, I- I-"

"Vegeta," she said seriously, cutting him off with her pointer finger. "I think it's time for the pink shirt."

"Do I HAVE to wear that stupid thing?! I- I-"

"I think so," Bulma interrupted again, suddenly standing up. "C'mon, this room's too small." She grabbed his hand and quickly dragged him out of the room, Vegeta hardly daring to believe his luck (even if he had to wear the Badman shirt).

__

~This segment censored for content, what with the author's inability to write lemons (and if she did, they'd probably end up extremely perverse) and the fact that she's very interested in keeping this a PG-13 fic.~

***

~At the exact same moment, over at the Son household~

"GOKU!!" Chichi shrieked, slamming a heavy business envelope down on the freshly-scrubbed table. "YOU'D BETTER DAMN WELL EXPLAIN THIS, OR YOU'LL BE LOCKED IN THE BASEMENT FOR A MONTH!!"

Goku's head sheepishly popped up in the open kitchen window. "Geez, what did I do now, Chichi?!" he asked nervously. "I didn't flush anything down the toilet again, if that's what you mean! In fact, I don't even remembe-"

"SHUT UP AND GET IN HERE!" Chichi roared, putting her hands on her hips and showing the world just exactly what her wrath incurred. "AND IF YOU DON'T, I'LL-"

"OK, OK," Goku relented, disappearing and suddenly reappearing next to Chichi using his Instant Transmission Technique. "So what-"

This only got Chichi madder. "AND DON'T YOU _THINK _FANCY TRICKS ARE GONNA IMPRESS _ME, _SON GOKU! YOU'RE GONNA EXPLAIN YOURSELF **_RIGHT NOW, _**OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!"

"But wha-"

"HERE!" she screamed, shoving the envelope into his hands. "READ THIS! **_NOW!_**"

Goku scratched his head and held the letter closely to his face, straining to read what was on it. "Loave- bie- erd Ein," he finally reiterated. "What the-"

"OH, GIMME THAT!" Chichi grabbed it out of his hands and began to read what was inside. "LOOK! HERE, HERE, AND **HERE!**" She pointed to the offending parts of the letter, which seemed to be set up like a bill. "VCR, 78 DOLLARS! VCR REMOTE, 10 DOLLARS! LOVE IN THE STEAMY JUNGLE, 20 DOLLARS! THROATY LOVE MEN, 20 DOLLARS! ANIMAL LOVE, 40 DOLLARS! JUST WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU-"

"Chichi! I can explain!"

"You'd better damn well do that right now, Goku!" Chichi threatened, eying the frying pan that was sitting on the counter. "Because it sure seems to me that while you were away you were watching some porn!"

"Porn, what's that? I-"  


"DON'T PLAY DUMB WITH ME, GOKU! YOUR INNOCENT LITTLE ACT MIGHT WORK ON YOUR SONS, BUT NOT ME!"

"But we destroyed it, whatever it was! Vegeta blew it up with some Ki balls and threw 'em out the window! I still don't see-"

"OH, AND YOU _DIDN'T _DESTROY THEM YOURSELF, GOKU?! SEEMS TO ME LIKE YOU WOULD HAVE RATHER WATCHED THEM THAN DESTROYED THEM!"

"But I didn't know what it wa-"

Chichi finally blew her top. "URGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! THAT'S IT!! THAT'S **_IT! _**FOR THE NEXT FIVE HUNDRED YEARS, YOU ARE HAVING NO- NO-" She began to stab her finger in the air decisively.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Goku's angsty wails began to echo all over Mt. Paoztu. 

***

__

~Back in the Briefs' residence~

The first thing that Vegeta noticed when his eyelids fluttered open was that it was dusk outside. Damn...all that "exertion" earlier had caused him to go out like a light immediately. He was starting to go a little soft!

She was still lying in his arms, sleeping peacefully, her hair tangled tightly in one of his hands. She was also (thank Kami) the one wearing the Badman shirt. Crap, someday when she wasn't looking he should go and ritually burn that thing to a crisp so that he would never have to see it again. He hated pink with a passion.

Shifting slightly out from under her, he turned sideways to stare out at the moon outside. Thank Dende the boy wasn't around to disturb them tonight; he always had a penchant for popping up just when his usual begging was starting to work. Heh-heh...but then again...

"So you're finally back with us?" Bulma's fully-awake voice floated out from behind him. When he turned around and saw her face, he realized that she had been merely feigning sleep...probably for awhile. "Damn...you always look so cute when you're asleep!"

Vegeta turned around to face her. "I do NOT look cute, woman!" he replied obstinately.

"But you do!"

"But I don't!"

"But you know," she went on quietly, the smirk from awhile ago starting to form again, "I'm ashamed to admit it, but I missed you when I was in that stupid hotel room. It was so unbearable in there!"

"Well, if it means anything to you," Vegeta replied a little uncertainly, "I- I missed you, too."

Bulma just smiled. "Oh man, it was just so terrible in there!" she continued on, knowing that it took a lot out of his ego to say something like that. "I was forced put up with Master Roshi's comments and Chichi's whining!"

"Well, what about ME?! I had to watch Kakarott pick his nose AND _Captain Planet_!"

"I guess it wasn't THAT bad for me, then!" Bulma envisioned Goku with his finger jammed far up his nose quite vividly. "Well, uh...uh..." She looked up at her husband, whose smirk was starting to widen again. "Uh...more?"

The smirk became full-sized. "Of course." But then something popped into Vegeta's head; a little voice in his head was telling him to say something, something that he meant, and something that needed just the right time for it to be said effectively. It could never be said for any other instance in his life, but this was a time where he needed to take a leaf out of Kakarott's book. Bringing his mouth closely to her ear, he breathed in a low voice something that she could even barely understand herself.

"I love you, woman."

Author's Note: Awwwwwww!! I just HAD to put that in; my theory is that Bulma and Vegeta were made for each other. Vegeta can come off as an uncaring bastard (he is at first), but I think that as time goes on he actually starts to care about the people close to him. And besides, I had to make sure that Vegeta got SOMETHING good out of that hellish episode with Goku. Oh, and I apologize to any of you out there that might have wanted a lemon. I just couldn't bring myself to do it; I really didn't want to up the rating and I also wanted to keep this a strictly humor fic. And besides, my lemons would be crappy. And really perverted, too. I need to write a LOT more romance before I even THINK about doing a lemon. 

Glad that you made it down here; I was afraid that the part about the trip home might have scared ya off! *Shakes head in dismay* Sometimes I have trouble making things funny, and it didn't help that my chapter was getting long again. That part was actually a lot longer at first, and what I have now is just basically a synopsis of what I really wanted to put in. *Shakes head again* Oh well. I was actually very happy with how the very end turned out, so I guess it just cancels out.

Well, I guess it's time to go. I'm sad to not be writing this fic anymore; it was really fun (when I didn't have writer's block). I might be writing in Dragonball Z sometime in the near future; I have an idea for a B/V, and perhaps another fic like this as well (I wasn't kidding when I wanted to trap Vegeta and Goku in a senior citizens' cruise). Thanks to everyone who reviewed! :) Adios!

~Yuffie-Girl~


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